A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi :) i have a problem thats all my fault and i dont no what to do about it. it started when i realised i was gay i came out to my close friends but i then found out that one of them liked me (shes female). i decided that i might not be gay so im now going out with her to see but im not really sure that i am gay but shes going out with me.shes has liked me for two years befor i went out with her, she was depressed alot of the time and i ddint no why but i found out its casue she liked me but couldnt have me. shes contemplated suicide befor over me and other things and now she says shes really happy and wants me, but i dont want her cause im gay.shes been to the doctors lots of times to talk about me and make herself feel better and shes proberally on anti depressents but im not sure (two of my friends said she was)she says shes the only person shes loved, and i love her but only as a friend.i dont want to lose her as a friend and i dont want to make her upset again or make her do something stupid.so the question is... how can i tell her this without making her cry or do something stupidpritty please help me :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): Well, this is a tough one.
You should drop hints about your sexuality for a little while and if she doesn't recoginise them then you should just tell her calmly that you are, in fact, gay. If she is truly your friend, she will understand and if she really does love you, she will let you go because let's face it, it probably makes you uncomfortable to have a girl like you when you aren't straight.
When you tell her, if she does get upset, tell her things like "Any guy would be lucky to have you though" to boost her self-esteem and get back out there.
Good luck and I hope this helped :) xxxxxxx
A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (18 December 2010):
 First of all, you can't hold yourself responsible for your friends weakness. You've done the right thing, you've told her you're gay before if I understand you correctly?
The key to solving this problem is to be sensitive but firm about your feelings. It's taken you a while to truly discover your own sexuality but that's just the way it goes. You can't live your life to please somebody else and this girl will have to understand that.
Talk to her about this, explain that you do love her as a very close friend and will be there for her forever in that respect. She does sound pretty unstable so you're going to have to take this whole thing quite slowly.
The main thing to convince her of is the fact that she can have everything she wants from you except sex.
Congratulations by the way, I've spoken to countless gay men and women in the past who've been in similar situations and from my experience, you seem to be approaching this with sympathy and respect rather than a selfish attitude.
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