A
male
age
41-50,
*ugostephen
writes:Can any body give me some advice on how to cope and manage only seeing my baby 1 day a week. My ex girlfriend has left me and is expecting our first baby. Basically i have been left out of everything, the ultrasound, midwife you name it i have not been included. I so very much want to be a part of this little bundel of joy but iam worried that when the baby comes i will find it hard emotionally to visit, as i still have strong feeling for my ex, my ex by the way has told me she has no feelings for me at all now. How can i manage being a one day a week parent without breaking down and asking to back together all the time and also wondering if she gets a new man in her life he will be bringing up my child with her?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): the reason we split i because she says she does not love me and before finding out she was pregnant we had arguements because she want us to move house to be closer to her parents but i did not have the finances to do that. We always seemed to bicker over the smallest things which ended up her storming out all the time back to her parents. Their is nothing more in the world i would like is to be a family and be together it breaks my heart the situation, i am not even allowed to ring her. Yes i was at fault for somethings as she was but i feel so guilty about this and beat myself up on how could i have changed things. This is a real bad time in my life
A
female
reader, babymamma626  +, writes (23 May 2008):
 well i don't know persay so if this should never happen don't curse me, but I am 33 weeks pregnant myself and because of the hormones sometimes I feel a lot differently toward people I used to care about. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and we are expecting our first child. He takes really good care of me and supports me and most of the time he is there for me, but sometimes because of the state of mind and frame that I am in I feel that he is emotionally neglecting me. Maybe your ex has some unexplained feelings because of the pregnancy. Maybe she felt trapped because bringing a child into the world can really do a number on relationships because it can be a REALLY SCARY THOUGHT! I mean you no longer just have to worry about yourself. You have to worry and care for this tiny little human being who depends on your every move. That all in itself can be a little intimidating! Try talking with your ex about how you feel it is not fair that you can only see your child 1 day a week. Tell her how you long to be that child's father because YOU ARE it's father. If she can't come to a mutal agreement between the two of you is there any possible way you could prove yourself in court to be a fit parent and they could grant you equal rights? You deserve to be a part of this childs life. Try not to get so down if things don't turn out the way you had hoped for right away. Some things in life will just play out its course and eventually turn out for the best. Just be the best father that you can and maybe someday that child will realize that they want to be with you! You just never know! :D
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (23 May 2008):
You need to start separating your feelings for the baby from your feelings from her.
There is plenty of advice on this site on how to get over ex-girlfriends, so that should be your first task.
You need to talk to her though and explain that although you have no future with her, you really want to be a part of the babies future and would like to play a bigger role in the pregnancy, scans, birth etc. As long as you can make her see that you won't be causing her trouble by bringing relationship stuff into it then you should be ok.
As for her moving on and bringing a new "dad" into the baby's life, yes it may happen. But as long as you work on keeping a great relationship with the child then it will always love you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Has all of this been brought on by the hormones surrounding pregnancy? I know when i was expecting my third child, i hated my bloke and wished i hadnt met him. He really got on my nerves!! Why have you really split up? Try and have a chat with her, maybe with a relative there, or even a friend. But do try and get through to her that this is your child also, and you want to be a part of it. If not then you are going to have to go and see a solicitor to get things sorted out, so that you can see your child when it is born. But dont be put off and stay away as some fathers. Keep in there and be persistent, but i think her hormones are at the root of this. Can i honestly understand how you both feel.
take care
xx
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