A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:this will likely be pretty lenghthy so bear with me...figure i'll get it all out. there will be a multitude of questions throughout so feel free to answer one or all of them.i have been involved with my "situation" for the past 6 years. started off in high school where we couldn't get enough of each other; now we cant be together for more than a week without getting into 2 - 3 arguments about DUMB SHIT, the latest of which was about lasagna due to the fact that she tries to control everything that i do. all i ever hear is do this, do that...all day i get orders barked at me. but when i want her to do something she never wants to do it and im immature for not doing it myself. she is bit emotionally and sexually selfish. emotionally because when i do the slighest thing wrong or say the slightest thing wrong, i am the biggest asshole in the world. mind you i know for a fact that i am a giant sarcastic dick from time to time, but i can own up to this and i try to work on it. but when she goes off and says things out of the way which is more often than not, i am not supposed to feel any kind of way. i am supposed to let her say whatever she feels and not have the slighest bit of anything to say about it or again i am an asshole. sexually/physically, i am EXPECTED to give her 30+ minutes of foreplay before anything sexual will go on. ok i can deal with that, but she will not return the gestures. i have to give her a rub down, play with her hair, rub her feet, back rubs, and i have to do it with the utmost enthusiasm...or i am an asshole. but i cant even get head once a week....im lucky if i get head or ANY other type of consistant ENTUSIASTIC foreplay more than once a month. when sex is initiated; which it can only happen on her terms **in the bed, at night being the ONLY acceptable terms*** i have to do everything to please her...once she gets off, 2 out of 3 times shes just done, even if i've prolonged myself so that she can enjoy herself. and that when im lucky enough to even get her to have sex with me. for the past year or so we have gotten into neumerous arguments because she just lays there like a sack of potatoes when we have sex. she tells me all the time that she is still attracted to me and blah blah, but she just is under to much stress to enjoy sex. which brings me to my next issue. SHE IS ALWAYS STRESSED OUT and she does it to herself. i try EVERYTHING i can to make her relax but she cannot go a day without stressing over the dumbest shit. she is a spoiled little rich girl who has never had to work hard in her life because her dad has always been there to hold her hand. now shes an adult and cant cope with the fact that people have to work on a daily basis. she get mad at me when i have days off because she has to get up and go to work. she cries because she has to get up at 8am to go to work everyday. she cries because she doesnt have money to do whatever she wants, but will go out and buy weed when ever she feels like it. i try to make her feel as good as possible but it never works she ALWAYS finds something to be madd about. i am a carefree person by nature so this boggles my mind how you can seem to look for things to be upset about. we have been broken up for the past 8 months, she broke up with me mind you. she was involved with a guy that she left me to be with a year before **fucked up right**. i pursued her for about 3 months until a found a letter that she wrote him about how me and her never have sex unless i beg for it but with him that nots the case and blah blah. so i stopped chasing her. broght the letter to her attention and her response was, "i didnt mean it"....BULLSHIT. anyway she figures out that dude isnt what she expected ***which i tried to tell her*** so she waddles back to me. im not a fallback so i have not gotten back with her, though we act like it. one of those situations. to the point, i am single so i flirt and i get numbers. she goes through my phone and gets madd at me about text that i send, despite the fact that she broke up with me. she say "oh you never flirt with me like that, blah blah"...but i do. she always shoots me down so i look elsewhere for attention. i'm told thats a bad excuse by her. she NEVER wants to go out and do anything. she wants to stay in the house and watch movies EVERY FUCKING NIGHT and thats just what she likes to do. i am 23 i want to enjoy life but when i go out with friends i am given the pissy face and the "whatever" speech. back to the sex issue...i want to have way better sex. it is fucking crazy that i am only aloud to have sex at night and in the bed, that is so boring. after month after month of having sex maybe 5 times a month a have finally gotten myself to the point where i dont care about sex with her anymore. about a week ago she wanted to have sex ***for once*** and i just wasnt feeling it. i couldnt even get hard because i had learned to just not even want sex to keep us from arguing.whats crazy is i LOVE THIS GIRL TO DEATH but i dont know how we can ever be happy again. she been talking about us moving in together again and i like a dumbass have been agreeing, dispite the fact that i really dont want to. i cant see myself being with a woman who wont let me be the man in the relationship and calls me immature, yet when i man up im being an asshole...there is no middle ground. i want to just tell her to go do her, but i am afraid of being alone. she can get a new dude in 24 hours if she really wanted to...dispite the fact that i am told that i am cute, i dont think that i am and i feel like i i tell her to kick rocks that i will live a life a masturbation...WHICH I AM ALREADY LIVING. i have tried for the past 2 to 3 years to fix thing but she always returns to the shit that urk's me. i will admit i havent been the best bf thoughout these 6 years, occational cheating and what have you, but shes done the same so i really dont want to hear that shit. at this point my main question is...should i leave. i feel like i should, but i also feel like i should stay.
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broke up, flirt, foreplay, immature, money, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): How was the beginning of the relationship? Was there love, romance, good sex?
It sounds like you are staying out of fear, which is not good.
It also sounds like she is more of a dominant type of woman, who likes to be pampered and catered to so you two may not be sexually compatible.
It's not easy when you love someone that much and you're not really compatible.
Can you discuss all of this with her and see if there are some compromises you can agree on to change some of the problems?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): ~WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~OMG!!!...Honest to God...is your girlfriend my ex...or...her clone?!?!?My ex is the first and only individual I have ever fallen in love with and I remain in love with her....Unfortunately we are no longer together and it's the worst hell I've ever endured.I am so octa-polar behind our breakup...and...It's so draining trying to pretend in my head I'm over her...or try to make myself hate her...OMG, it is tormenting, suffering, octa-polar hell!I know just how intense your love is for your girlfriend...You love her hard...I'm mean crazy hard...she can do no wrong even when you and she know damn fricken well she's wrong...and that's because that's just her...and in a unexplainable kind of way it's that off color thrill that keeps you imprisoned...she makes you grow and you too make her grow in ways that most cannot even fathom to understand as you and I do.I can't recommend whether you should stay or go...however I had to force myself to go, as my ex threw me out the love door and there was no way I could linger around as a friend, as she makes me insane with love.The ironic is there are so many women that are trying hard to get my attention and date them...and they are the extreme opposite of my ex...BUT...They do absolutely NOTHING FOR ME but irritate me...I am so turned off to them and just ignore them...I am so not healed and beyond her so why the heck would I even mislead them or give them a second of my time when I know I don't even want to want any of them. Hell...to this very moment, I kid you not, I would stand my ass proud in front of a runaway train to spare the lives of my ex and her precious babies equally as I for my precious heart.I'm better off alone right now...My head is all messed up and my heart still hurts...YEAH, this is the power of intense love that you have with your girl.I don't know...but I do believe that you shouldn't leave her, because you love her...all of her...I mean all of her.I hope you keep us posted...and I'm happy you know unconditional love.God Bless.
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A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (24 December 2010):
 Listen to your heart. Do whats best for you but ill advice you to leave.some one that you love will never cal you immature and asshole. You are far better off without her
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A
female
reader, _nataliebeebaybee1  +, writes (24 December 2010):
 right, its plain to see that this relationship is lacking loads of things. For a start yous need to work out a timetable in which you have sex, agree on the nights and how many times a night you have sex that way you CANT be in the wrong. (thats if you want to stay in the relationship)by the sounds of it though you sound very distressed and as i am a female i dont think i could ever treat my boyfriend in the ways you are describing !she sounds like she is very insecure and depressed. Shes not wanting to go out and she needs constant attention !you also mentioned that she is getting stressed alot this is also a sign i would maybe confront her about this. although she is rich she hasnt really lived in the real world causeing her to deal with problems in an imature way. You need to explain how you are feeling, how sick you are, tell her you cant move in with her if shes going to act this way.when it comes to sex , try watching porn together, maybe try 69 this way both of yous are getting sexual satisfaction. Buy her toys, buy a toy for you so she can experiement. Its all about give and take !!!as for me i also have a boyfriend that doesnt really have a high sex drive and i started to withdraw like you mentioned whenever he wanted it id do exactly what he did withdraw ! because that way they want you more, its physcological ! she does seem very controling but somehow i know that you do actually love her and if your willing to sit down and really speak about how you feel then she will listen and maybe try to change. you need to emphasis how much this is having an effect on you. explain that she is draining you and maybe talk about possible depression. Im wondering though, whether anything has happened in the relationship that may have affected the way she is acting with you. you need to communicate and have a long sit down and just talk about it no arguements. explain that it needs to get sorted or theres no way its going to work.id love to hear a reply on how this goes for you, i can relate to how frustrated you feel when you say she never gives you sex. If you sort this relationship out and have a talk all of the spark and sex will come back be patient and TALK ! xxxx
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