A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend have a great relationship but she is terribly clingy. We have had petty arguments lately and she is very emotional and atop that has been through some very rough times as of late. We live together and spend a whole lot of time together and she disagrees, whenever I want to go out without her she acts as if I'm betraying her and most of the time cries. And on the rare occations where this does not happen then something comes up where she needs me terribly, this has happened a lot as of late due to said hard times. But I'm not joking literally every single time I say I'm going out without her in the past year she cries, or something terrible comes up, or she finds some new and innovative way of making me feel guilty, though I don't think it's on purpose. Lately I've given into her wishes more often than normal but sometimes I get angry and that makes her more upset and things get worse and I always feel guilty. She seems to want me to all but give up my friends for her, which is sadly what she did for me. She always says that all she wants is me and that is usually her reply when I tell her that having other relationships is healthy. Please help. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Dutchy  +, writes (6 August 2009):
You should spend time apart and together in a healthy relationship as you said. If you only hang out with each other there it will get boring very quickly. You need to experience things when not together so you can share experiences when you are together. If she cries when you leave thats just childish. I don´t know how old you guys are, but if you´re in a serious relationship she shouldn´t make you feel guilty for doing your own thing sometimes. Try to reassure her that you´re definitely not doing it because you don´t like her, just because you want to have cool experiences that you can tell her about later. Needy girls are very difficult to deal with, and often won´t change. Try to explain to her how you´re feeling and that she shouldn´t exaggerate in spending a lot of time together. A tip I could give you is that you can do the same thing while apart like reading the same books or watching the same movies or shows, that way you´re still doing things together but aren´t always physically together! If nothing changes, you should seriously consider the fact that she won´t change...
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (6 August 2009):
To be honest, there's nothing that you can really do to help. In this situation, the only person that can help her is herself. She's obviously having MAJOR insecurity issues and basically her world revolves around you. She sounds really immature and insecure.
And you're right, having other relationships are healthy. She shouldn't have completely ditched her friends. She's needy because of what she's done.
I think the only thing you can do is either stay with her and keep putting up with her behavior. Or you can break up with her. I know it sounds so much like it has to be one or the other...but that's how it is. If you don't want to break up with her, the only other option I would suggest is that you two no longer live together. That way you two can have your own separate space and hopefully she can try reuniting with some of her friends.
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