A
female
age
30-35,
*arfo
writes:basically,I'm writing this is because I feel like a tool. There's this girl A, in one of my classes, and I'm a gay girl, and she's just said she's bi. Problem is, I think she really really likes me, and I like her too but not like that, and I feel bad because I'm not attracted to her. Theres a lot going on right now but I guess thats the main reason or this question. And I know it sounds stupid, yeah but there's more to it.oh and I'm in college (senior high school to the USA) and going to be leaving in a few months for Uni. So that for a start, makes me not want to get involved with anyone right now anyway.But I feel bad because All this time, I've just been looking through her and just been completly infatuated with this other bi girl B, in our class. (Our class has an unsually high LGBT percentage for some reason, a third actually)I wasted a whole year making a deliberate effort trying to get close to her, waiting for her to break up with her boyfriend. She did finally, and then almost straight away asked out another boy before I had a chance. Stuck in the friend-zone I got to hear all the gory details. lucky me. But then summer came, and we barely spoke. When we went back they'd merged the class with another class, and although i'd already reclaimed my seat with her, this guy from the merger stole my place the next week when I was barely a few minutes late. I said nothing and just let it happen. few days later she gave me something she'd ripped out of a magazine about a specialist uni in what I wanted to do. That was it, that was the last time she made an effort to communicate with me in any way at all. September. couple weeks later I saw her in the street and tried to start a conversation and she was just like, "i have to walk over there" at the first opportunity. no joke, thats what she said. it was an almost disused road that led to a multistory carpark. :|So this merger guy, I was sure he fancied her, and I had to sit opposite them, together. It really made my blood boil. So I still barely noticed A much this year either. But I suppose you only notice what you want to notice. See what you want to see. I got things so wrong.few weeks ago, Girl B broke up with her boyfriend, and not long after she and merger boy went outside for a private chat. seeing as it looked like after just a few short months he was about to do what I had waited so long to do, and then missed it, you can imagine how p****d off I was. I was sure he was going to try it on with her now she was single. but still I said nothing. But they came back looking very awkward. Next day he was telling his friend C how he had had a really awkward chat yesterday with someone. In walked B, apologised for the awkwardness and then said "sorry it was a bit random for me to say I was bi yestarday at the end" So from that I presumed she'd rejected him and used that as some sort of excuse. But last week He came out as gay. ( I would be suprised if anyone in this class still says they're straight by the end) So that changed everything, it means he can't have had any feelings for her, what I'd been forced to stare at every day was the opposite, her wanting him. It now made sense why SHE had been leading HIM out for a chat. why he felt awkward and why she said that at the end. She came on to him, he rejected her and had to tell her he was gay, so he felt awkward, and she said she was bi to make him feel less uncomfortable. In hindsight, I reckon she probably asked him to take my place aswell.The point is, I'd been so wrapped up in sombeody who clearly didn't give a damn about me every class, that I barely noticed A. A who actually tried to get to know me, who always likes and comments on my statuses, who always smiles or waves or say hello and tries to talk to me, who nervously says my hair or clothes look nice today, who is always looking at me everytime i look up but can't look me in the eye for more than 5 seconds without blushing. And All the while I was so focussed on B. B who ignored me and didn't make an effort to get to know me for 2 months when i was always right there, who almost never says anything to me online, who always blanked me when she saw me, Who never said anything nice about me when all I did was flatter her, who acts like she can't see me now but had no problem staring into my eyes before because it never meant anything.And now i feel like such a tool. I really like A, but just not in that way. She's a real nice genuine person and I really don't want to hurt her. She's clever, pretty, cute, funny, I just don't feel attracted to her, and I wish I was. What can I do? What if A asks me how I feel about her? I really don't want to be horrible and say I'm just not attracted to her, but on the other hand I don't want to try and make myself feel something I don't, thats not fair on her either. I already feel like enough of a douchebag. How would you let someone down gently? I'm not being vain here, I catch a lot of girls looking at me, but I know it doesn't mean anything, but I always thought A liked me long before she said she was bi, it was just at the back of my mind, and I was just ignoring the situation. So this is a likely posibility before I go to Uni.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Thisdizzle  +, writes (21 February 2011):
Be honest. Anything else is just setting everyone up for failure.
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