A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dumped this guy about a month ago, and I don't want to get into another relationship ever again because I cannot deal with drama. He was emotionally abusive, I believe. These are some of the examples that he would do with his controlling and unmotivated nature:*criticized me on how I do certain things, like driving, how to operate my car, how I should sleep, and how my posture should be*told me to go to the doctor over a minor illness, like over an upset stomach, diarrhea, and yeast infection.*said that he would kill himself if I leave him*told me how to run my tattoo shop a certain way and how I should take a business class to "communicate better with others"*told me how I should spend my money--my shop opened up last December so wasn't lot of business yet, so I used my gift money I got, and he said that I shouldn't rely on gift money and just invest it in something else--the rent was due two days after he told me this.*said that I constantly hurt his feelings*he didn't do anything productive because apparently, "I was in his way of getting things done", that's kind of what he said.*threatened to call my dad to have me sent to the ER because I was having a bad anxiety attack (we were kind of drunk that night)*because "I wasn't considering his feelings and supporting him" he didn't want to get out of bed for work, and was always 15 minutes to his job (he works for his step dad)--I helped him with some of his bills when I wasn't living with him.*he asked me to buy him cigarettes (I don't smoke)*he kept pressuring me to move in with him when I'm not exactly on my feet yet with having a good cash flow on my tattoo shop (he was behind on his bills a lot of times, and he lived in this runned down flat with no lock on the door) Now, I had never been behind on my bills before, so it was very hypocritical of him to tell me how I should budget my money.*he didn't make enough effort to get a better job*he hung out with the wrong crowd*the day before I dumped him, he told me I should stop hanging out with my best friend, that is also a guy*made me call into work sick when I wasn't feeling well (it was a hangover)*when I spend the night at his place, he almost made me late for work because he wanted some morning sex--I didn't say anything and just walked out the door (we had sex almost everyday)*tried to get me pregnant by convincing me to let him *********** without a condom (i'm on the pill and never skipped one before)After I dumped him, he kept texting me because he wanted some "closure". We meant in person and I told him the entire truth. He still accused me of lying and jumped to conclusions, like he thought I was cheating by sleeping with my best friend (this was 2 days after we broke up). Then, while I was at my shop he stopped by and said things trying to win me back. I then said that he should let me go, and he refused to. After getting steamed, I told him to find another girlfriend who is better than me. He said no and then told me that he was serious about killing himself by throwing himself at a train. I told him to go to the hospital because he sounded very serious, and he just took off in this truck. I later found out from his sister that he is going to the mental hospital. His sister said that it was best that I left him anyway (this was 2 weeks after I dumped him) About a week after the suicide incident, he calls and talks to me again (he was really drunk when he called so apparently he was developing a drinking problem because I'm not with him anymore). So again, he accused and interrogated me on other things that weren't true. That was when my dad got on the phone with him to set him straight and leave me alone for good. I was so scared that my ex was going to hurt me and do something to destroy my career just because I refused to take him back (luckily that wasn't the case at all) He was just heartbroken. I would think after two days that he will already get over me and find another girlfriend, but no, it was taking him like three weeks. I got over him the same day that I dumped him. I was just so angry because it took him forever to get over me. I don't understand why some guys act like a big baby when they get dumped?I'm glad he is finally leaving me alone. I'm so happy that he is out of my life. Big weight is lifted off my shoulders. So based on what I said, was he really abusive?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): Honestly, I think that you made the right choice. Many of the things you listed show that he was VERY controlling and didn't think of you as his equal. The biggest thing for me was when I saw that he threatened to kill himself if you broke up with him. If all of the other things weren't emotional abuse (which I think they were)then that alone would be enough to constitute some pretty terrible emotional abuse. Good luck.
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