A
male
age
36-40,
*ubbaloo
writes:My partner has cheated on me at least once, she doesn't yet know I know. What should i do, i love her to bits, but she continues to lie to me.We have a son, he is almost two, i cant see him hurt by this, but i can hardly stand to look at her.What should I do? Only genuine answers please, from people who want to help, not just rant.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2007): I believe humans are made of simplicity. If something happens to you the most humanly thing to do is react. If someone says a funny joke it would be natural to laugh, if you hurt someone and feel bad you'd naturally apologize, If someone lies and cheats on you, I'd hope you know what to do. Either you can choose to react or I hope you have some serious vikiding that will help you sleep better at night with this woman next to you. Power to you! Obviously she doesn't care about the "relationshit" or your child...Obviously you can be the better man in this picture, if you let religion get to your head as a child you'd probably forgive her because forgiving is divine, right? again, Power to you! I'm not advising you on what to do, because honestly don't know much about much but I do know one thing; I'd rather lose a leg then live with someone that makes me miserably. The worst thing you can do right now would be absolutely nothing. Whatever you do and chose to tackle the situation defines you as a person and makes you human.Good luck!
A
male
reader, Jubbaloo +, writes (28 May 2007):
Jubbaloo is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks alot guys for your help on this, We have talked things over, i think she has been honest with me. But it may take a while to get that trust back. You guys have been great
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A
male
reader, Peterk5699 +, writes (27 May 2007):
 I think you should sit down with her and just say to her that you know she's been cheating and possibly ask her why. But don't blurt it out loud and fast cos that could make things go sour within a matter of seconds.
I would also suggest that you do it when your son isn't around because if you resort to shouting this could cause him distress and make things worse. Maybe sit down with your partner while he's at nursery or wherever he goes. That way you'll be alone and not have to worry about scaring him or causing distress.
You obviously do love her and it's obvious you want her to stop and I wish you luck.
Good Luck!!
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A
male
reader, lumpy +, writes (26 May 2007):
First of all dont do anything in the heat of anger,because you need to act in your own intrests as well as your sons! You need to sit down calmly with her and produce your evidence and ask her for the truth. If she has been cheating dont react in a way that will push her/yourself into a corner with no way to turn around. This is a very emotional time and you'll feel like striking back emotionaly to show your pain. You need to ask her to answer truthfully,questions that will hurt you such as:- How long has it been going on, does she love the other man, does she still love you, does she want to try to save your r/ship, why did she stray or what were the reasons for straying, will she stop seeing him, was the affair physical,If she answers truthfully you need some time alone to speak to a friend/councilor to see where you go from there! From my experiences if your both willing to try to repair the causes and damage to your r/ship then be honest about your feelings. Be assertive on your conditions for reconciliation and tell her that you love her but wont tolerate being humiliated or decieved!! I dont envy your next few months but i hope things turn out well for you and you can retain your pride and dignity when it's all resolved. Best wishes for the future L
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2007): u have to see if she really loves u and if she doesnt let her go....i know thi swill be really hard but dunt u think u deserve better than her???....u can always make her come clean about what she has done...maybe she will feel guilty and u can move on from this for the sake of your son...
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (26 May 2007):
 Well, first things first. You have to tell her what you know. Otherwise, you're going to drive yourself crazy, and she's going to continue tangling herself up in her lies.
I don't think that you have to break up immediatly. I think that this is something that can be worked on, and perhaps forgiven. The trust has been broken, however and she has to agree to make an effort to fix things. Counselling might be a good option for the two of you, but before you start thinking about that, both of you need to have a really OPEN and HONEST talk with each other.
If you think this relationship can be saved, try to save it. You do have a child together and your son deserves a fighting chance for a real family. You sound like a good guy, and I hope that you can find a way to make this situation work out.
That's my opinion, sweetness. I wish you the best of luck, whatever it is you choose to do.
xxIndia
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A
male
reader, Jubbaloo +, writes (26 May 2007):
Jubbaloo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for the advise, im going to speak to my lawyer on monday morning and see what he thinks is the best course of action
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (26 May 2007):
 You should tell her what you know. If she cheated on you, she doesn't respect you. It is grounds for divorce. What's important is that you settle a custody agreement ahead of time, so that you can both still be in your child's life. I think that you should start moving on immediately.
DV1
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A
male
reader, nologo  +, writes (26 May 2007):
 It depends on how you feel about this situation.
Don't know your attitude to cheating in general.
My opinion about what you should do now is confront her.
The risk here is high: she may actually dump you after that.
"We have a son, he is almost two, i cant see him hurt by this"
Since there is a child involved, you must think about him too.
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