A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My wife has had alot of problems in her life. She's been raped, sexually/emotionally/physically abused, was kidnapped by her father and put up for adoption, been in really bad relationships, and now has a lot of trouble trusting me. She loves me more than anything, I know, and she doesn't complain about any of this, but i see how it affects her. She's very sweet, but very paranoid about me lyeing to her. I love her so much, so isn't there anything i can do to help her? It's tough putting up with the results of what she's been through. Is there anyone out there who can relate? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): sorry, i was the anon down there.
I noticed no one was continueing answering so i will just say, I think you have to get that diagnosed professionally. You should try to help her get over the fear of seeing professionals. Some times they're our only options.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow do you know that you have depression or PTSD? Were you diagnosed? She has never been to a doctor about any of it, and I know she would never want to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): I know how your wife feels. I've had those kinds of experiences too, and I had the same problem with therapy. It brought lots of problems to my relationship.
I can only guess that she wants from you the same things I want from my boyfriend. They may seem like small or meaningless things, but to people like us they mean the world:
- Tell her you love her everyday
- Send her a text message (or call her) once every 3 hours. It doesn't matter what you say (even a simple I Love You is good enough), just to prove you're thinking about her
- Don't keep secrets
- Try to share activies with her. Be spontaneous. Surprise her and take her out on dates
- Keep her away from people/places/objects that bring back bad memories
This will help her feelings of insecurity and she will slowly put the bad experiences behind her. Of course it won't make her forget... those kinds of things are unforgettable.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's a good thought, but she can't do therapy. She can't talk to poeple about things like that. Her mom made her once when she was younger (for a different reason) and the therapist told her mom that she was wasting her money and his time after only two sessions. If it's the absolute last thing i can do then maybe one day i can convince her. But i need something to try before that. I dont want to make her feel hat intensly uncomfortable.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): Be patient, kind, understanding, but also stern. If she starts making accusations, then deal with it for a short time and if she persists, tell her how it is. Sometimes people who have these problems need a little push after a while. stern isn't mean of course, or disrespectful.
But just be loving and make sure there is never any reason that she shouldn't trust you. (keep up the honesty, faithfulness, etc.) Evetually, she will hopefully see that she has no reason to act this way with you. Time and love may heal her wounds.
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (2 May 2009):
as long as you love each other things can get better,
because love changes people
but you have to go counseler ,and get help because her previous problems may hardly effect your relation
and you have to be honest to her,
because she seems to be fragile
all the best
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