A
male
age
36-40,
*T
writes:Hi erica i am nikhil thanks 4 ur answer....erica i will explain u my complete problem......please guide me....I have been into relationship with my girlfriend for the last four years.I never knew( neither she told me ) that indirectly i told her to do stuff she doesn't want to do ( like going out with guy friends, talking to unknown guys on phone, taking part in public dance shows).I did all this unintentionally thinking that its for her benifit....in a nutshell it was over protective and possessive for her.. we hardly fought in the past 4 yrs..most of the time we talked on phone only..We made future plans , even started considering each other husband wife..but last year after i joined a job i was not able to give her the same time as earlier..though i used to call her thrice everyday ...In feb 08 she participated in a dance show after which a guy called her saying he wants to be friends with her...she did met him a couple of times and continued talking with him, without my knowledge.....in september ( through one of her friends) i came to know about this....I confronted her and she told me everything and also told she didn't find it bad and that she didn't tell me cause she thought that i will feel bad....after this i told her many harsh things and had a bad fight with her ( for the first time ) she kept telling me...that her intentions were clear.....that guy even proposed her but she refused him.....when i calmed down( the same day we fought) i felt sorry and i consoled her and we started talking again .......In november my galfrnd joined a job.....she also got sort of busy.....since we are in different cities i went to meet her twice in november 2008.....( this was the first time we were meeting after that sepetember incident)...i dont know why but to make everything clear i asked her the same thing ....she felt very bad about this.....then on phone also i asked her these things couple of times......we argued and every time felt sorry and continued talking...I was always in impression that whatever happens between us “OUR RELATION is intact”.......Even we have plans to marry in coming year.........She even talks to my parents as future daughter-in –law.......But suddenly in December everything changed.....She had her bday on 20th dec......i was about to go there but she told me that she has some official work so i canceled my trip.......A day before her bday i called her to make everything between us clear, i wanted her to enter her new birth year without any tensions.......But she hesitated to talk and again the same topic came....and we had a small quarrel......i wished her happy birthday and on the next day also i called her in the night but she didn’t pick the call.....and when she picked after 50 calls we again fought.....( i didn’t know why this happened).....After that she stopped talking to me for 2 days and on the third day she told that she wants to finish this relationship...she no longer can bear this and she also told got a call from the same person.....in a vein i went to meet her , i was surprised at her sudden change in attitude......she suddenly became so strong...she was speaking hard words.....she also told that a day before her bday she met that guy( who came to see her!!!)She even talked to him in front of me..........I saw some “love you” messages in her mobile.....She told me that she need some time to be alone....she wants to stay alone.....i told her its our issue why this third person is getting advantage........?But she told me no one is getting advantage.......and she told me she like to talk to him and no and she has even told him not to send these sort of messages......On 28th dec she told me she doesn’t want to come back to me and even if she will come that will be a compromise........She has even stopped talking to my parents.....she used to praise me for my love, care , everything....she used to take so much care of me...but suddenly this has happened.....She used to cry for me and in 15 days evrything has changed...i still dont sense what has happened that made her so strong...she even didn’t call me on New Year....Her friend did call me and told me that she was asking about me...I never wanted to hurt her.........our relation was always perfect.she used to love me so much...care me so much and suddenly these things are happening....I don’t know why this is happening....what should i do.....??Should i call her??Or wait for her call?I realised all my mistakes.but i feel bad that if she had problem with my possesiveness she should have told me on face , involving a guy into this is not a good way.....this is not love.....not evryone is perfect...i know that guy is taking advantage of this and speaking to her those words which will sooth her....he has no commitment and hence nothing to loose at the end of the day its only me and her who will suffer.....i trust her more than my self....just in the past times i thought that relationship is intact......but i assume she started comparing me with him........Please help.........i love her so much...i miss her badly.........please guide i dont want her trouble her self... 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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): the sad part is that most probably things are out of ur hands apart from the thing that u can just convey to her that u hav tried everything in ur power to win her back and now u will w8 4 her....otherwise u will only driver her further away if u insist on pursuing her than wat is necessary
sumtimes u need to learn how to let go in a relationship...n if she is really comparing ur company to that guy then surely only ur absence in her life can let her truly realize wat u were worth
unfortunately....there is no "thumb rule" for relationships to work...all the best..god bless
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