A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I recently started dating, but we have been friends for a long time and we know each other very well so I know what kind of girl she is and I know that she is COMPLETELY trustworthy and I do trust her 100%...however, I have been hurt in the past and have habitual jealousy when other guys are around or if she's somewhere without me and guys are there. I know she would never hurt me...I cant stress enough how sure I am of that...if you knew her you'd understand, she's just awesome...but I'm afraid that this irrational jealousy on my part could hurt our relationship...so far I have been real good about it on the outside, I havent made an ass of myself about it..but I worry that I might call to check up on her too often or end up sounding too needy or weak because of this irrational negative feeling. I do trust her, Im not even worried that somebody will even catch her eye, I just dont want other guys to even look at her and I know thats just not cool of me, AND it's impossible because she is very beautiful. Sooo, yeah...what can I do to feel better and not be like this?
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male
reader, thelovetoomuchman  +, writes (11 August 2009):
dude i know exactly how you feel.
Iv been there, you dont like other men talking to your girl. It just shows how much she does mean to you.
I came to the conclusion that you cant stop other people, wether it be women or men, talking to her. you just cant, so theres no point getting worked up on something that you cant EVER control.
At the end of the day, she might get chatted up on a night out, but shes going home WITH YOU.
You just gotta turn your jealously mind off and turn you trust mind on.
hope this helps.
A
female
reader, Bliz  +, writes (6 August 2009):
I think you've taken the first step of identifying that it is your jealousy, and not anything she is doing. You say that you have 'habitual jealousy' stemming from the past. It might be a good idea to make peace with the events in the past that hurt you. I don't know the details, but I'd say that some important things to remember when you are making peace with the past are:1) you cannot change the past, just how you feel about it2) chances are you are better off now3) forgiveness is not the same as condoning what happened4) your present girlfriend is not part of this past.This may be difficult and it may take some time, but from the sounds of it you are very aware of where the problem lies, and you seem willing to address it. You also take responsibility for your feelings and your behaviour, which is a sign of maturity.Hope that this helps, and that you are on your way to enjoying your time with your fantastic sounding new girlfriend!
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (6 August 2009):
 first of all you cant trust anyone 100% exept Jesus, your fears an concerns are natural but while you spend time embellishing in your agony over them your missing out on time with this girl There is only one guarantee in life the rest is a blessing or a cursestart imagining whats the worst thing that can happen if this girl leaves you its not the end of the world is it. Now imagine how she would feel if you left her probably pretty bad becuse im sure she feels the same way for you that you feel for her. Last be a man real men are jealous little punks there strong and powerful they command respect from others and there women stick by them. You need to make a conscience decision not to be jealous no matter what the sun is going to rise and the sky will be blue
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