A
male
age
41-50,
*he_blues
writes:How do you deal with this?I've been seeing someone for nine months, we've been getting on very well and she's enjoyed my company. She's finishing a teaching degree and I haven't seen a lot of her in the past 1-2 months, but it is an important time for her studies so I've given her the space and time she needs.Last night I sent her a message to see if she was ok and if I could see her for a little bit. She replied that she wasn't in the mood to see me and that she's accepted a teaching job in the country and is leaving in three weeks.I really didn't see this coming. I thought that she might've talked about it with me. Now she wants to leave it for a week before we talk. I'd prefer to talk sooner because I need to get my feelings across but I said I'd leave it for a week if that was what she wanted.I'm really gutted, she said that she thinks the world of me, she's enjoyed the time with me but that her circumstances have changed and the job offer is too good to refuse. Doesn't that mean her career is worth more than me? That is so hurtful.I wondered if she didn't mean it was the end, but she said she thought it would be best if we carried on from now as friends. She said she doesn't want me to think that I've lost her, but how will I not have lost her? I don't see any sense in what she is saying. She is really amazing and she makes me so happy, I can't believe she would do this to me and tell me her decision is final. What cou;d I do or say?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): Try to relax. Stressing about this will not help you. Wait until you are with her and then have a good discussion about all the issues.
"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood".(Quoted from Marie Curie).
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (23 October 2008):
She's going about this in the wrong way and it's such a common mistake.
Yes her career is coming first and the fact that she didn't even mention this to you before accepting it shows you that she doesn't value your imput.
However she feels bad for dumping you and hurting you so she's trying to stay friendly and be nice to you and tell you all this stuff about how you'll still have eachother as friends.
You just have to accept that this woman doesn't like you in the way you like her and she really should have finished this long ago before you got so deep into it.
I'm sorry hun.
Good Luck!! xx
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