A
male
age
51-59,
*key
writes:My girlfriend was raped when she was 14. She is 27 now and we have been dating for 2 years. Our sex life was wonderful until she bumped into the rapist at a bar almost a year ago. Since then we have made love 5 times and 4 times we stopped because she was so freaked out. I can't help but think that she is not sexually attracted to me anymore. I try to be as understanding as possible. The other aspects of our relationship seem to be just getting better and better. We both really love each other and are still growing stronger together and as independent individuals. When I bring up sex she gets irrational almost every time and shuts down. She then apologizes and tells me that she doesn't want to be unfair to me. She doesn't want sex and doesn't know what to do about it. She promised me that it wasn't about me but about the rape. I wonder if it can be changed. I care about her so much and I think I could handle another year or more if I knew how to help her or that it was possible to become lovers again.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): Dear Poster
I have empathy with you and think it is wonderful that you are so loving, caring and patient with your girlfriend.
I suggest you consult a counselor to give you advice on how to deal with rape victims; this will be of great assistance to you in helping and understanding your girlfriend.
I also suggest you ask her to go for counseling;
I have experienced that E.S.R. (Emotional stress release ) for Past Trauma is very effective with rape victims;I do suggest she finds a counselor familiar with this technique; it is a wonderful way to defuse the emotional effects of past experiences that have an impact on us in the present.
I understand your frustration and honestly do hope you can convince her to get professional help to overcome this problem.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
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