A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi...I have been in a hidden relationship. With a brazilian women for almost 4 years and she refuses to come out of the closet. 1. She tells me. She doesn't know if she is gay. Bc she is attracted to men ( although she's only been with 3 men. For no more than 2 months). 2. Her mother. Tells her if she chooses this lifestyle. She will move back to brazil and she is not allowed to come home. She is 26 years old and. Still lives at home with her mom. For the past year she has been breaking up with me on a regular basis. Telling me that its dor the best and that she can't live this lifestyle that her family won't except it. We broke up almost a week ago and this time. I said some really bad things I shouldn't have said. And I don't know how to apologize. Or if I even should apologize. I have been nothing but good to her. I have never directly called her a b*** before. But this time I did. I guess. I'm wondering what I should do. Or. Curious what people think about her going straight..is that possible? She says she will never be as happy as she is with me. But. That she won't go against her family...but. she has been in relationships with women. Since she came to the US. 8 years ago. When she moved here. She wasn't even here for 2 weeks and already had a gf and that lasted 4 years...our relationship has always been safe. Everytime we are next to eachother. We just melt and then fall asleep. Lol. But it has always been. "Safe". The first 2 years were great untill her family back home started questioning her about being gay. Her mothers got her on lockdown. she hasn't been able to sleep over in over 2 months. Bc. Her mom makes comments suggesting she is going to drive by her work...I said some things. And now she won't talk to me and I don't know what to say. To bring her back to the safe zone with me...at this point. I don't want to talk to her or see. Her. But she is my babygirl and I won't her to know I'm sorry. ...I don't know.....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): I understand you have feeling for this woman and you want her to be proud of you as you are of her. But to be her safe zone you have to let her come out at her own pace and if she feels she will lose her family over her sexuality, you may have to accept she will never be in an openly gay relationship with you.
This is where you have to decide whether you are able to take the backseat and be accepting you will always be second in this relationship and her family first. Are you able to accept a non openly gay relationship and also accept you are verly likely to be disposable if it comes to crunsh time and she has to make a choice. If you are uncomfortable with this then you yourself will have to leave and let her be. Maybe one day she will be strong enough to stand up to her family, but right now she is not.
I know you want to be just as important to her as she is to you and you dont like this position you have been placed in, but a true loving and caring person will recognise love may also be about letting the other person go to help them not have to make certain choices.
And i 100% disagree with the first comment. The family have no right to pressure their family member in regards to sexuality. She is who she is and by pressuring a person or making them feel as if they have done or are doing something wrong by being attracted to the same sex is vile and abhorent.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't think. Me or her family have a right to pressure her...that's rediculous to suggest. That its ok. For her family to put pressure on her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2009): Stop pressuring her into your lifestyle. Let her make her own decisions. Her family has the right to some pressure. You don't.
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