A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19yrs old my best friend and I have known each other for about 2years. I enjoy being around him, we have hold hands and told each other I Love You before. A while back we were both under the influence and he spend the night at my house. I slept in the floor and he slept in my bed. I was caressing his hand and he said "stop your getting me horny" after that he asked me if he can do me anal and I said yes. so he pulled out his cock and he tried doint me anal but I refused to do it because it was hurting. so we kissed and jacked off but did not cum so we went to bed. the following day i went off to my soccer game and came back and we both pretended like nothing had happen. About 3weeks ago we were out partying and after we left the party we were both drunk. I approach him i felt on his cock and I pulled it out. I gave him head and he asked for me to drive him home. I said "please don't tell anyone about this and he said "i will keep this between us" then he asked me if I was horny and I said yes. So he gave me head for a little bit. he then replied that we would finish this some other day and he promised. The following day he didn't mention anything about it and now IM in LOVE WITH HIM. What should I do? I want to try more with him but I don't want to loose his friendship as I care for him a lot. Ever since this happen his been messing with a lot of girls sexually. What should I do? I've tried stop talking to him but it hurts me really bad not seeing him or talking to him.Any advice will help me out a lot.Thanks for your time
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009): It's intriguing that on both occasions you two got sexual, you were 'under the influence'. Alcohol relaxes people and enables them to let go (it's called 'disinhibition') and without doubt makes people - guys and girls, gays and straights - more likely to have sex.
It can even be dismissed by one or both parties as something that 'would never have happened sober', but in reality the desire wasn't magically put there by the alcohol, it was let out.
So, where do you stand now? (Good post btw, lots of us have been there, and getting our hearts broken by bi-but-publicly straight men is a rite of passage for many young gay guys) - the ball's in his court. Is he avoiding you? Have you been alone together since? Have you told him you want more?
You sound quite at ease with your sexual identity and freely admit you're in love with him. But he's still figuring out his, and messing around with girls. Hate to say it, but he's entitled to. Do you mess around with girls, or are you not into them sexually? I don't know. But if he does, it's because he's curious about girls. You can't stop him and don't have any right to. Just be there for him, but don't push him away.
It sounds like he's maybe a bit more repressed/reluctant about his gay sexual identity than you are, and maybe will only 'go there' when drunk. The real acid test is whether he's dying for it in the middle of the day. You could settle for having sneaky sex every time you two are drunk, but the more honest and viable long-term option is to see if your man can be seduced sober in broad daylight.
You have NOTHING to lose compared to a lot of guys in this situation, for two reasons: your sexuality isn't hidden, and you already know he's sexually responsive to males. So if you tear open his shirt, kiss him all over or go straight for the zipper, you already know he's not going to punch you in the face. The worst that can happen is he rejects you.
The wider question is, can you have sex with a man without falling in love with him? Lots of guys can, some can't. It sounds like you're not the kind of guy who can just have sexual intimacy without developing feelings. Though there are plenty of monogamous faithful gay guys, the generalisation can also be made that 'casual' sex is VERY commonplace among active liberated gays, so you may need to 'toughen up', learn to separate sex from 'romance' - or, hang in there and wait for 'The One'. (I'm too greedy to want just one, but whatever works for you)
Best of luck xx
A
male
reader, Mikes  +, writes (20 September 2009):
 HiThe best thing always is to talk. You have been freinds for years so just find out what he wants. Though of course it will could be awquard. Maybe your freind was just going through a phase and just wanted to try it? a lot of us have been victims of that. Either way, knowing is better than not knowing. If you dont sort it out with this guy your just gona feel the tension, which would effect your freindship. Just go for it and have it out then you can move on, either as his freind, or his lover/boyfreind/date.Hope it all works out.
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