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*eilani0808
writes: My daughter is dating a 28yearold man she id only 16 years old they have been together for 7 months and have come to me and told me that they have been having sex and are deeply in love about 5 months ago i let her move in with him what should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (4 March 2006):
 This guy sounds sensible and like he loves your daughter. So sit back and support her. Just be her Mum, we all mature at different rates and your girl is just a bit quicker than others.
Good luck
PS Ignore what some of the spiteful judgemental idiots on here say, you have done nothjing wrong, you sound like a loving Mum with her kids best interests at heart.
x
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female
reader, Leilani0808 +, writes (2 March 2006):
Leilani0808 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe has told me how he has felt about my daughter and does encourage her to go to school and said if he interferes with her schooling he will cut it of with her and she keeps atleats a's, b's, and c's.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2006): hi my name is jennifer 28 from glasgow scotlandlet her be in love with this man. age does not matter and she has found someone she has fallen in love with. she is old enough to get married and the more you interfear the more she will become determand to be with him no matter what you or anyone else thinks. i have been their myself i mean i am 28 and my husdand is 42. i have not spoken to my mum in 3 year as she tried to interfear in our relationship and we got married. what if she has kids do you want to run the risk of never being able to see them? maybe it will not work out but would you rather be their for her or let her be on her own if this happens. i know if i was a mother i would want to support and be their for my kids than not. look on it this way you are able to keep an eye on them so that no harm will come to her or are you not. have you ever thought of it this way, he might actually love her and want to be with her and the fact that they live together must say something for them. if her was just after sex he would have left along time ago. all i can say is let he be happy and be their for her when she need you
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female
reader, Maloletka +, writes (22 February 2006):
 NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry but you already did SOMETHING WRONG by letting her to move in with him... If i would do something like that, i would like my Mom, to tell me that i should do that and not let me move in with a guy who can be a father for her.... Oh, parents... what are you teaching your kids...
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2006): Unfortunately, love is based on the law and not on emotion. Reminds me of a movie I watched with Christian Bale in a world without emotion...I agree with harshbutfair - as you can see the previous three people used anonymous handles, where as the rest who actually took into consideration to use better replies use their actual aliases.So when is it too young to date, too young to drink, too young to look at porn, too young to drive, too young to read a book about Hitler, too young to choose their own religion, too young to choose their career path, too young for them to decide and think for themselves? Obviously, the law is made by a very small group of people with similar minds. What about the other 6 billion people? What do they think should be 'acceptable' in society?I understand that supposedly, the younger they are, the more prone they are at illogic and naivety (sp?), but hell, I started drinking way under the legal age limit and I didn't turn out dead in a garbage dump somewhere in the East side.I know you're worried she may be used by the 28 year old for sex, and based on popular belief, that chance can be quite high. I'm just thinking about my eldest aunt and my uncle. He was about 25 and she was in her teens. She became pregnant, and they got married. Years later, my uncle became a plant owner with 4000 employees, they both had 3 kids, and now they're ok. You know, like some of the non-anonymous posters here suggests - sit down with her, do some communication, and see what their plans are. Maybe even sit down with the 28 year old to see what he's like.
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (21 February 2006):
At 16 in the UK your daughter would pretty much have the right to do as she choses. I cannot comment on other countries.
Have you met this guy, does he genuinely care fro your daughter and allow her life to continue as it would if she were under your roof? Is he encouraging her to grow and allowing her the room to be an individual whilst still in a loving relationship? If the answer is yes then why are you so worried? They may split up next week or be together forever, just like any other relationship that happens between two people.
I suggest you sit your daughter down and have a chat to her and discover the true extent of what is going on. Tell her how much you love her and how much you worry for her safety. Give her a getout clause of being able to come home if she choses (she may not want to admit she has made a mistake if she is embarrassed) and tell her that whilst you want to be a grandma one day in the next 5 or so years you really dont fancy it!
Be as loving and supportive of your daughter as a good mum should and be there for her if it all goes tragically wrong.
You cannot go back in time and alter what has happened, but you can be loving and supportive. You are not a bad Mum, you made an error of judgement, which everyone does from time to time. No point in shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted is there?
I wish you well and hope you can lose the guilt you feel and can carry on to continue to support your daughter as she grows into a woman.
xx
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female
reader, smeedle +, writes (21 February 2006):
 You ask the question what should you do, what you should have said is "what should I have done"
I know that it is hard having a teenager, they always think they know more than you and that you dont understand them, etc etc, but no one said having kids would be easy and to be frank you are the adult, the parent and should be the gaurdian.
At 16 you have no rights to stop her moving in with him unless she has for some reason been classed as "vulnerable" this could be for a mental or physical health problem so your parental responsibilities ended on her 16th Birthday but it seems like you allowed he to date, have sex and move in with this much older guy before this, why?
You could have gone to the police and had him prosecuted, you still can as he had sex with a then minor.
Yes this would have alienated your daughter for awhile but you would have not colluded this bloke breaking the law.
I am aware that there will be more to this story than you have told us and maybe it would be good if you are able to write a more full picture, were you afraid that she would run away with him anyway, if this is the case the police would have helped as it is a criminal offence to be having sex with a minor so they would have bought her back to you.
I currently work with sex offenders and believe me this guy has the makings of one, he has targeted and groomed your daughter and like it or not he has groomed you, you have now got to try and gain controle of this situation and this may involve the police, you need to have her back home and safe, is it possible that you could talk to this bloke and tell him that unless he sends your daughter back home you will contact the police, lets face it he may have done this before, your daughter may not be his first victim and if he is not a sex offender then surely he will see sence and talk your daughter into returning home and seeing him in a more conventional way like calling for her and taking her out, but not living with her, I would preffer it if the police investigated this as I have suspicions he may have done this before and may have a record.
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reader, harshbutfair +, writes (21 February 2006):
 Some of the answers here are DUMB. Who are you guys? Morons?
Age of consent differs all over the world, so before everyone gets on their "high-horse" and starts invading Iraq or publishing badass cartoons, lets take a deep breath. In most of Europe (remember that place?), age of consent is 16 so talk about statutory rape is just plain WRONG (and in many places in Europe that only applies to 13-or-unders).
That said I can't see anything good coming out of this situation.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2006): wow, i dont mean to be harsh, but dont you realize that she is a MINOR, and YOU are the parent?? isnt she in school? your job is to protect her, a 16 year old girl is NOT ready for an adult relationship, especially with a 28 year old MAN. you need to get her back and tell her that while you understand her feelings, she needs to grow up before making that kind of committment. What if she ends up pregnant and this 28 year old doesnt want her anymore? im sorry but i cant believe you even let her move in with him, just because they say they're in love is no reason to let your child move and potentially ruin her life. you should tell her that in two years, she's free to live her life how she chooses, but until then YOU ARE IN CHARGE! please get her back asap because this is in no way a good situation for her. good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2006): That is a bad idea 7 months is no time at all, before you know it she'll be pregnant and he'll be gone. That guy is technicaly a pedophile. Call the cops.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2006): First beat yourself up for failing to protect your daughter from a sexual predator. After you finish that call the police and report him for statutory rape. What could this man have in common with your daughter? If it is true feelings then he would respect you and your daughter by waiting for her to become of age. Get your daughter home and away from this grown man. Do it now.
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