A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I found out something. I'm not supposed to know, or to tell anyone, so i need to vent somewhere. Theres this girl in my grade. She's 15, and has a reputation of sleeping with a lot of guys, smoking pot, drinking, and i think she's done some drugs. She's not the smartest..and she just found out she got pregnant by a senior. She took 2 tests, one was positive the other negative and shes late by 15 days. And has all the symptoms. She has a terrible home life. The fathers really bad too, he's a drinker and a smoker but he's gonna stick around. I don't think she'll get an abortion, or give the baby up. Plus im pretty sure she was drinking before she took the test. She's 15...she's an incoming sophmore in high school...and she's pregnant. And that baby..its going to turn out just like her. I can't believe its happening. Just last year she was giving a presentation and broke down crying because her best friend did drugs. How can that happen?! At 15..her life and the baby's life is over. At 15.
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abortion, best friend, drugs Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012): One thing not so related to the original question. You said she smokes pot. Then you said you think she uses drugs aswell. Pot is a drug.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): "How can that happen?! At 15..her life and the baby's life is over. At 15."
It happened for reasons you cite: she's not the smartest, has a terrible home life, and she likely sleeps with a lot of guys seeking the love, attention and physical affection she doesn't get at home from parent(s) likely engaged in a pattern of unhealthy dysfunctional relationships and therefore useless as role models.
I wouldn't be surprised if she deliberately got pregnant on the fantasy assumption that having a kid would magically give her a "real" family just like the one she's always wanted but never had, on the other hand bad boy baby daddy was probably just looking for a way to get her into bed and for him saying "I want a baby" was more polite than telling her "I want to take you out into the bushes and bleep you."
She's very lucky to have in her corner, an age-group peer who recognizes the gravity of the situation and realizes if she decides to "keep it" then her life is essentailly over at age 15 and her baby is likely pre-ordained to perpetuate the same cycle of poverty, dysfunction and teenage pregnancy simply by being born into such an unstable, uncertain, unhappy living situation.
DO NOT break her confidence, you must retain her trust in order to be in a postion to try to slowly convince her to do the right thing for her and the baby calmly, rationally and unemotionally. As someone her age, you can reach her in ways the usual adult authority figures can't possibly match simply by speaking her language.
Very impressed with your maturity, insight and sensitivity. You are in a rare position to provide a lifelong positive impact on a so far unfortanate very unfortunate teenage girl and an innocent unborn child. You are in effect this baby's guardian angel, and I have no doubt that your smarts and intuition will ultimately convince your friend to do what's best for all concerned.
To anonymous reader who became pregnant at 16: I applaud your efforts to raise a child under such difficult circumstances, but I challenge your assertion that your child "couldn't be happier" because you are able to provide him/her with the basic necessities of life: three meals a day, clean clothes, warm house. If you were to ask him/her in 10-12 years and he/she felt free to be completely honest, I'm sure if given a choice he/she would have preferred the benefits of being born to loving, stable, mature parents secure in their relationship and established in their careers who would have been able to provide from birth the comfortable, secure, nurturing home into which every child deserves to be born. Very few teen moms are able to overcome the odds as you apparently are, yet even your child will experience long-term effects from your struggles during his/her early years, and I respectfully submit that children of teen moms growing up without the presence of a father in their lives are much more likely to eventually become teen parents themselves.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (4 July 2012):
I know you didnt ask for advice but all you can do is talk to her and try to point her in the direction of someone who can help. planned parenthood should be of help to her, also maybe there is a teacher or someone employed in the school who specialises in pregnant students. its great that you care enough to think about her, empathy is a wonderful thing that many people lack nowadays. good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): Sorry OP but I don't see what kind of advice you want , teen pregnancy is already pretty common nowadays for it not to be a shock for you, since you're not the one going through this situation and neither are you here to ask advice to give a friend, since you referred to her as "this girl". The only thing I would say to you is respect her privacy and don't start gossip about it at school making her life even more difficult than it already is, and at 13-15 I'm pretty sure you know how at 15 she got pregnant.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2012): I was 16 when I found out I was pregnant. Didn't smoke, take drugs, occasionally had a sneaky drink but who doesn't at that age? Anyways, I thought it was the worst possible timing. I dropped out of college. I brought up my baby on my own! I didn't need the help of the "sperm donor", he was a druggie and drank a lot, and had a reputation for beating women, (he's a lot older than me) so I ditched him, actually before I found out I was pregnant. I probably cried myself to sleep for like 2 years. Still getting funny looks from people, and questions, and disgusted expressions, but my child couldn't be happier. She has 3 or even more meals a day, clean clothes, warm house. I gave up a lot of things, but I'm going back to college in September. So, what I'm trying to say is, don't worry about her. She will make mistakes and she will learn from them. You may think she will be useless, but she may surprise you all.
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A
female
reader, Wow123  +, writes (3 July 2012):
It's good that you haven't told anyone, but if you are really worried about her (and the baby's) future, tell someone. Maybe your mum or dad or even a sibling. Maybe try and talk to her in private, explaining that you are worried. Just think she might need someone too. Hope this helps x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2012): If she is a good friend of yours, you should support her and giver her your honest opinion and put in contact with the right people to give her help in what ever decision she makes. If she is not a friend you should mind you own business.
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