A
male
age
30-35,
*hylandavid
writes:hello, me and my girlfriend are having relationship problems and i need your advice. Me and her have been goin out for 5 months and i have been waiting for her to want a physical relationship with me but everytime we engage we only get as far as makingout, i have given her oral twice and have been trying to get her to be less nervous about sex but she keeps holding back,now shes telling me she want to starrt but evertime she stops and makes me feal rejected. Now im having dreams about her cheating on me and flirting with other guys(probly cuz my subconceous is telling me theirs some thing wrong cuz im being rejected)etc..i want the dreams to stop but then i would have to pressure her to do it with me.tomarrow i might breakup with her so i need advice on if i should stay with her even though im getting rejected...
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female
reader, *brea//babbby. +, writes (22 June 2010):
 The dreams are probably because you are thinking about it so much. You are young. Sex should not be that important to someone. If you love her, you won't break up with her over sex. You have the rest of your life to have sex, be patient.
A
female
reader, MamaLilly  +, writes (21 June 2010):
 You're feeling rejected? How do you think she feels when you are so worried about it that you came to a message board to ask?
If you really care about her, give her time. Ecsp. if she hasn't been with anyone before, having sex for the first time can be a BIG deal for a female.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 June 2010):
At 16/17 years of age, she's may not be ready, and if she's a virgin, she may well be scared. Give her a break. If you try to have your way and dump her because she won't give it, you'll get a bad reputation as a man who just uses women. I not much older than you, so I know what's going through your head. Those crazy hormones just won't go away. But if she's not comfortable, she's just not. Sex with someone who is ready makes more sense than sex with a girl who just feels under pressure. And you don't want to be the guy all the girls avoid because they think you'll just use them.
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A
female
reader, QZ +, writes (21 June 2010):
 I completely agree with YouWish! While you might be feeling bad (and perhaps even had your ego hurt a bit), you need to realize that if she is a virgin, sex is a big thing! She's probably nervous and perhaps even a little scared. Go slowly. Also ask yourself - is she worth more than just sex? If the answer is yes, then be patient! A good relationship is not based on sex alone. Food for thought. (:
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 June 2010):
 Your dreams are your brain's way of trying to work out the problem. Guys do feel rejection when their advances are rebuffed, which means I know that you're after her for more than just sex. But you're also a mega-hormonal teenager who...well...really wants to use sex as your primary expression of emotion towards the girl.
Your brain is trying to work out WHY you are feeling that she's saying you're not good enough to be the one for her, that's she's saving herself for someone who must be better than you in some way.
Girls don't work that way. If she is a virgin, she might be absolutely terrified of sex. And if she isn't, she might really honestly have feelings for you, and feels that if you get what you want, you're going to lose interest and reject HER. Given that guys your age often tend to lose interest and get bored easily, her feelings are well founded.
The fact that you're thinking of breaking up with her because of no sex pretty much confirms her fears, that sex is your primary motivation. So you both will confirm your anxieties. You'll break up with her because of no sex, and she will eventually find someone else who might in fact be better than you.
OR - you can chill out and show her that you can be trusted. Tell her how you feel about her, and the dreams you're having. Show her your HEART, which I know is a scary thing for you. Girls are about EMOTION, not fabricated smooth lines, but she wants to know that if you get physical with her, that you leave behind a piece of your heart forever.
Also, if she IS a virgin, she'll most likely have been told that sex hurts like hell the first time. Reassure her that you will be very gentle with her, no matter how long it takes.
But above all, have patience. Don't pressure her. If she loves you like you love her, when she DOES open up to you physically, it will be the most meaningful thing she's ever done up to this point, and you have to prove that you will cherish that.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 June 2010):
 She is not rejecting you,she is rejecting the idea of doing physical acts for which she is not ready yet. Which is not strange since you have only being dating 5 months and supposedly she is around your age -very young.
If you care about her, you'll just wait until she is ready without pressuring. If you are just looking for sex, then she is not the right person for you.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (21 June 2010):
 She's obviously not ready to go that far with you yet, that's no reason to break up with her. It's only been five months. If you really care about her, give it time.
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