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She won't give oral sex because its dirty

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Question - (21 May 2011) 7 Answers - (Newest, 23 May 2011)
A male United States age 36-40, *ereks526 writes:

I'm dating this girl, who has told me she'll do anything for me. However, she won't give me head because it is dirty.. meanwhile I give lots. How can I go about getting head and is it normal to feel bad for her reason? And I'm very clean, medically clean by the way

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011):

I am one of those women who has a hard time with this as well... I don't know what happened or why I am so uncomfortable or feel so inadequate to do it. I had one partner who was so patient and helped me to learn and do it to the point that I was comfortable. That was a long time ago, and I am right back where I started from. I have a partner now for over a year, that I cannot bring myself to trying it again. I want to so much, to please him this way, as we have a great sex life together, except this one thing I can't seem to get over the hurdle of.... I am hoping for some help from him, but so far, it hasn't come, because I think he's not sure what to say either...I don't know.

I would not make this an end all...there are so many other things the two of you can do...in time, and maybe with your help and her trusting you completely, you can help her with this.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2011):

It would be unfair to push her or guilt her into it. If she's not, she's not. Even if you manage to convince her, it's only short-term.

I have met one such woman. It did not last long (no pun intended).

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2011):

A woman can like giving head or totally won't give at all. From what I can see you want a lady who will. You can either take her as she is or you inform her its a two way street-no giving, no receiving :/

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A female reader, GingerLand United States +, writes (22 May 2011):

I think you should talk to her about it. It's a little unfair that you perform oral sex on her but she won't return the favor. I think the best way to go about it is to let her know how you're feeling but if she still refuses then eliminate oral sex all together.

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (22 May 2011):

DoubleM agony auntSome will, some will not, and for more than 45 years I've never found a way to change those who will not. I'll admit that I never spent much time trying - I just moved on, and have apparently been lucky to find many gals who like to give as well as receive.

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A male reader, Dr T Ireland +, writes (22 May 2011):

Talk about it. A blanket 'its dirty' is rather vague. Maybe a parent told her that as a kid, perhaps she had a bad experience. Talk about it: if she still isnt into it then there you go. However there might be a trial period! Just agree and honour some ground rules.

I knew a girl suffered from a similar thing, she was told by her mum and friends as a teenager that only sluts gave head but when she took the time to look at it as an adult she changed her own mind and boy was I happy about it.

Best of luck

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A female reader, Dear Mandy United Kingdom +, writes (22 May 2011):

Dear Mandy agony auntHi

It feels very porn style to many women doing this, also many women fear their partner wont pull out in time, therefore ejaculate in their mouth, which will put a lot of women off. Also some women cant stand anything touching the back of their throat.Maybe she had a bad experience before. Or she just dont like the idea of it. either way it would not be fair to push her into doing something she does not want to do. Why not find something else that you will both enjoy just as much?

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