A
male
age
30-35,
*overBoy91
writes:Hello, I'd appreciate if it were girls who answered my question, it's not that guys don't have good advice to offer me but it's just that I'd prefer a girl's advice on this one. (Although if you're a guy and really think your piece of advice would help, feel free to do it.)Well, I don't feel fully satisfied with my girl. We've been together for 6 months, we have an active sex life, but it's just that. It's always just sex, she won't give me oral, handjob or anything else. Sorry about the crudeness in my words, but I feel it's the only way to make myself understood. She does sometime play with my penis with her hands, but it takes so much of her to do it, like...I almost have to ask for it! And I don't I should have to ask for that, maybe oral, but not just for a handjob. Every time we're kissing passionately and caressing and you know... She's always asking directly for sex, penetration, and nothing else, no getting me going with a nice oral or anything, she'll wait out for my erection if she has to but she won't do anything to get it up or get me aroused. It's driving me crazy, I feel like I'm being sexually exploited. I have always even offered myself to go down on her, but she won't even accept that. She thinks that is really gross, that she doesn't like to go down on me, so she doesn't want me to go down on her because she doesn't want to feel like she has to return the favor. She has given me oral before, like 2 times, first time was after I helped her with her modeling by driving her every day to the place (1 hr drive to get there) and the second time was because I asked her to do it and I think she felt so moved because of my begging-looking face that she did it.But when I asked her for a third time she got a bit angry and told me that her previous boyfriend never asked her for oral, and she gave him one once because he didn't, because she felt like doing it, and now she feels pressured into doing it because I'm asking for it. She says that I MUST wait for her to feel like doing it. The thing is, I've waited a lot, and we have had a lot of sex and opportunities for her to feel passionate enough to give me oral or any other kind of pleasure besides penetration.My question is, should I keep giving her time to feel like doing it or should I be extremely clear with her and tell her that I really want other types of pleasure and if she doesn't do that for me, I'll break up with her? Am I being selfish about this? Am I asking too much of her? Is oral sex really as disgusting as she says it is? Help!
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erection, hand-job, kissing, my penis, oral sex, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 January 2010):
 You could buy her this:
https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_2_15?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=tickle+his+pickle+by+sadie+allison&sprefix=tickle+his+pick
Maybe she just don't know what to do.
A
male
reader, LoverBoy91 +, writes (22 January 2010):
LoverBoy91 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks a lot for the advice ladies. But I still admit myself a bit confused, well... more like my girls keeps me so confused that I just don't want to decide anything yet.
So here's an update,
We went out to a pub last night, we had a couple of drinks, we danced a lot, and we went back to my apartment. We took a shower together. During our bathe we kissed very passionately and since we were both a bit drunk (not too much though, we were both pretty much still in our senses) I asked her for a oral as nicely as I could (I think it might have even sounded a bit like begging). She obliged, but it lasted so little time that I felt as if she had just done like a little spit and lick and done. (Forgive my crude selection of words) But I didn't complain, in fact, I even told her it felt incredible and it was the best one she's given me ever. Fact is, it was horrible, it even felt bad to be honest, not physically, I mean...like...I felt like "is that the best you can do?" I felt really frustrated, but I don't want to make her feel bad, ever, so I just lied about how bad it was.
We had sex after the shower, it was as nice as usual, she's good at it, but I must admit I still felt unsatisfied even after ejaculating. I think it's because it's always the same way, and I'm getting bored of ejaculating the same way. You could say I'm a bit weak, because if something is boring, like masturbation for instance, (I can't seem to satisfy myself anymore if I do it myself) you wouldn't just come. But yes, I still feel unsatisfied.
I ask again, what should I do? Did I do the right thing when I lied and told her it was amazing and all? Should I be straight and tell her it was too short?
I'll leave the decision of breaking up with her for later, I just want to know if I did the right thing and if I should keep doing that even if it was horrible just so she feels reassured and will do it again (or maybe she won't anyway...)?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 January 2010):
To be honest I think you should look for a girl that you have more sexual chemistry with.
She have some serious hang up about sex I think.
I understand that there are plenty of women who aren't a big fan of getting and giving oral. The thing is, sex NOT just about getting off. It's about enjoying the whole process, trying something new with a person you trust. It's about exploring, your own body and your partners.
I think if a partner says I REALLY like this ( let's say it's oral) then why not try and see if you like it too. ( that is a general you, not the OP)
Oral ( or anything else sexual) shouldn't be something to withhold just to get the upper hand.
She might have some odd notions that oral is "dirty" and the thing is no matter how hard you try and please her, that mindset is VERY hard to get over.
Have you guys ever talked ( and NOT in the bedroom) about sex? Is she open about the subject? Maybe she has NO clue on how to do any of them.. Thus is scares her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2010): I think she is inexperienced and scared and probably doesn't know what to do but instead of admitting this has come across as a bit bossy. I personally don't like giving oral myself, it makes me gag but if it is something you really want then she should at least try. I am sure it is a fear thing incase she gets it wrong. Maybe try to guide her or help her and always compliment her on her sexual skills so she feels more confident.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (22 January 2010):
In your case, its sounds like she is the more controlling partner in the relationship. I'll bet you are the one who does all the calling and asking to see her and even apologizing when there are fights. You sound like you have her on a pedestal and she can ask for almost anything and you will do it. You need to shift the power in this relationship. Dont just break up with her right away. Just start calling her less and being less available to her. Start by going out of touch (call, SMS etc) for a couple of days. She needs to start wondering what the hell is happening. Cool off a little, don't be so eager to please her. Ignore son of her calls and call back hours later. There's lots of tricks on the web about how to make a girl want you. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2010): Well... here is another point of view... If your girlfriend is a nice person in most other ways and not selfish, there may be reasons of sexual comfort here.
I love my boyfriend to death and have never considered saying no to anything (positions, oral sex etc) but yes, sex remained his work for a long time... It didn't occur to me to touch him (abuse in my past and all). All the same, I wanted it to be nice so I would have loved it if he had shown me what he wanted, like taking my hand and wrapping it around his penis. So it is possible that she is uncomfortable with some ideas.
He was very, very patient. Here is a trick - don't ask her when it comes to pleasuring her and yourself. Try experimenting. If she minds you going down on her, focus on the area around without going down on her. Slowly her resistence will go. She may also feel that the smell may put you off, or that you smell a bit. So try doing this in the shower or immediately after a bath... Then slowly venture there... and don't ever, ever ask for a blow job. Don't wait for it either. If she's waiting to get comfortalble it will never happen if you keep making it your demand instead of her wish.
If she is selfish and uses sex to negotiate then its not good. I agree. But I am thinking that this problem may get resolved sexually instead of by talking.
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A
female
reader, 99_bananas +, writes (22 January 2010):
Well... it does sound a bit pushy and I hope she doesn't think it's degrading or something. It also depends on how forceful u are. Like, i don't like to be shoved or gagging, but a hand on the shoulder to indicate rythm isn't bad. And, there's also if ur standing or sitting or laying down- it's less threatening if the guy is sitting or laying down, i think- because then she's OVER u and not on her knees. Or, maybe she doesn't want to because it doesn't make her feel good? Could try oral on her and then moving to 69? I'm not sure.
& praise the hell out of her! tell her what u like and that she's y u like it- she may b reluctant because she feels unconfident about it. You can play up the sighs and all that and b mindful of whether she's more comfortable w/ you watching her or w/ ur eyes closed. (at first at least) Also, this sounds weird but i prefer giving a bj right after the guy gets outta the shower... The whole 'pee or sweat?' scent possibility thing weirds me out big time.
Also, there's yummy stuff that could make it seem less 'gross'... like fudge paint and flavored body powder & etc from bootyparlor.com =P
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A
female
reader, Risingfromashes +, writes (22 January 2010):
First of all, women and their taste for sex doesn't change over time unless by some drastic experience or knowledge presented to them. If you have given your girlfriend information about what it is you want and try to make her comfortable and she still isn't up for it, then you should avoid the temptation of screwing up later and end it now. It all depends if you love her too, or if that's a possibility, but no matter what be honest with her. You can give her time to be willing to experiment, but if she doesn't agree after a year at the most- it's not going to happen. Maybe you should save yourselves both future pain. If you're not sexually satisfied there will be consequences whether through resentment and/or cheating. Take care.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (22 January 2010):
 Your girlfriend is immature and I honestly think women won't appreciate or enjoy sex until their 30's. Most women in their 20's maybe enjoy the attention, and the power they have over men who are constantly panting after them, but there's nothing in it for them (physically) until later. Somewhere in their 30's the lightbulb comes on and they become sexual creatures, able to match and excel in the game of sex. Unfortunately by then, your sex drive is slowing down when hers is revving up. Maybe you'd be better off to find a sexy, young-looking divorcee in her 30's to fulfill your sexual desires. A match made in heaven if you ask me. And once you get your ya-ya's out you can focus on a woman your age down the road.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (22 January 2010):
 I think she's inexperienced and uncomfortable. If oral and what else have you are more important to you than her, then sure, break it off. I would have thought that at the 6 month mark you'd have deeper feelings for her and you'd want to be patient with her.
Besides saying it's 'gross,' do you know why she doesn't want to? Have you talked about it? If it's nothing more but just inexperience she's probably embarassed to do all this because she's scared that she'll do something wrong. If this is the case, you can teach her and go slowly.
In the end though if this is what you really want and she doesn't, then you guys want different things and it won't work. You should think carefully before breaking it off...is all this more worth than her and your relationship with her? If so, then let her go...she'll be ok. The last thing you want is to stay in the relationship and look for satisfaction elsewhere...you'll hurt her more this way.
If I was in her position and you told me that you'd break up with me if I didn't do all these things for you, I'd say 'goodbye...don't ever come back.' What I would appreciate is you sitting down and telling me that you'd like more than just sex but understand that she's uncomfortable about it but that you're there to help her and find out what is stopping her. Making demands will not get you anywhere. If you care about her and want to stay in the relationship you have to get to the root of the problem (no pun intended).
I hope you don't let 6 months go to waste without at least talking to her. Explain your needs and wants and make her comfortable enough to tell you what the issues are.
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