A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Been with my girlfriend over 4 years now. After first 2 years we split because I did something stupid, I stole from my employer. She ended it because she said I was not the man she thought I was!After 3 months we got back together, mainly because she said she needed me in her life, so I said the only way thats gonna happen is if we get back together. Since then she has told no one we are back together and avoids the question when people ask if she is seeing anyone. She lets everyone beleive she is single!!!Also, since getting back, sex has been very scarce because she never wants it and only does it about once a month so I dont go looking anywhere else for it. Before we split sex was not a problem. We had it almost everyday. We dont live together so we used to meet at hers or mine. We still dont live together because she wont and comes up with a million and one excuses each time it is brought up. She also makes up excuses not to come and see me, so I get to spend time with her about once or twice a week. Of corse because I hardly see her, I want sex when I do see her. But like I said, only get it once a month.This is now getting too much. She says she loves me but wont tell anyone about us, wont comit, hardly has sex, wont kiss, wont show affection. She thinks seeing me for a few hours a week and sex once a month is enough. Ive told her I want more from her, I mean a life not just sex, but she says she cant give me more.Its come to a point were Im not even sure why Im with her anymore because I get next to nothing out of this relationship.I do want to stay with her and make a go of it, but it takes two.Please give any suggestions on what I can do to kick start this relationship back up!Thanks
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female
reader, Alittlebroken +, writes (18 May 2011):
 It sounds like you really want to try and make things work with her, but she is avoiding whatever issue she is having. You need to tell her to talk to you- it's make or break. She either commits to a proper relationship with you and tells people, or she stays single. I know she said she needed you in her life but it is one thing needing someone and another wanting to be in a loving committed relationship with someone. You need to find out if she wants to make it work 100 per cent , are you sure there isn't anyone else on the scene? If she is not giving you a lot of time or a lot of sex, could she be seeing someone else as well?
A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (18 May 2011):
 You definitely need to talk to her about this if you haven't yet. There is a reason why she's pulled away from you emotionally/physically. If she flat out refuses to talk about it or try to resolve this issue, then I would just leave her.
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