A
male
age
36-40,
*homasqm
writes:Hello Friends, I have been in a relationship my girlfriend for past 9 Months. Its a long distance relationship and currently i am living in Washington and she is living in Canada. In these past nine months we have learnt a lot about each other. We have discussed everything about our past relationship and all. She said that she never had a boyfriend in the past and never kissed any one. I also told her about my past very honestly that even I have never been in a relationship. Recently she told me about her job experience when she was in New York one year ago. That time we didnt know each other. Further asking about her place of living she told me that she lived in room of a building. She said she spend her most of the time with a guy who came with her from Canada. That guy also came here for work. He lived in the same building in where she lived. She said that she was very lucky that he was there as she was very lonely in the city where she knew nobody. After asking more and more questions about that guy she told me that the guy who lived in her building has a long time girlfriend. After hearing that I was very relieved. I thought that they must be friends and gave company to each other. But I dont know why I am getting stressed again and again.. She and that guy lived in that building for 6 months although in different rooms. She told me that they went for dinner, movies, pubs. She she really liked his company and became great friends. I am really worried that how can a girl and a guy(although he has a girlfriend) spend time for 6 months without getting tempted into a sexual relationship. I get those negative thoughts about them having physical relations. I am very afraid to ask her about him again, and how can I ask about her having any sexual relationship with him when she told me that she has never even kissed anybody? She will think that I dont trust her. I am stressed that she was lying to me? Please give me your views and advices.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MuffinGirl  +, writes (7 October 2009):
 Your problem is jealousy. You should understand your girlfriend - she was lonely in the city and met somebody nice who happened to be a male. It's totally understandable for me that she spend a lot of time with him, because people do need company and support if they're somewhere they don't know anybody. Being friends with him and staying with you in the long distance relationship can be very "innocent" thing. Why do you think she's still with you if she's in love or having sex with him? That doesn't make much sense for me.
I think you should talk with her honestly and tell her that somehow you don't understand this male and female friendships. Tell her that you have never been so close to the girl (except her or maybe your ex girlfiends). Don't show her that you're jealous or stressful because of this, just ask her to describe how it is being friends with opposite sex without physical contact.
The second thing you can do is that you go to the Canada visit her and she'd introduce you this guy. Then you'd see how they relate to each other and you can find out what kind of connection is between them (sexual, friendly, flirty..).
In my opinion, you don't need to worry so much and be stressful because of this situation. Just relax and enjoy in love, because jealousy can ruin your relationship.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): I don't know if this is about trust or about your belief that a man and woman cannot hang out for the longest time without sexual feelings.
If you keep it to that - which is a general topic and the cause of your confusion - you can certainly talk to her about it. If you are in relationship this will come up again and again when she has male friends.
Speaking personally, I have male friends who I have spent tons of time with and sure, sometimes there is some attraction but I find it easy to make that a base of a stronger relationship rather than squander what friendship I have. Maybe you react differently.
You need to think about this on your own. This is your issue and has nothing to do with her. However, since you say you are close to her, you can discuss it with her. Then its not offensive.
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