A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'd just like someone to help me figure out why I have such a problem with this. I'm 17 years old, almost 18 and I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend (19, almost 20) for over a year now. This is my first proper relationship and he's the only person that I've ever had sex with, but it's not the same in his case. He had a *serious* relationship with someone about a year beforehand and she happened to be my best friend at the time (which is how I met him - long story short, we became close friends, she became exceedingly jealous even though she'd already cheated on him numerous times and ended their relationship and our friendship. He and I carried on being friends and it soon blossomed into a loving relationship)Now, I know that it seems petty, but I can't seem to get comfortable with the fact that he has had sex with her. I was friends with both of them at the time so I knew all of the gory details and in the beginning of our relationship, it didn't bother me, but now I find myself feeling sick to the stomach at the thought of it. I don't enjoy feeling like this, and I know that it partially stems from my own damn insecurity, but I shouldn't feel like this. As a result, I've become exceedingly clingy and always wanting physical affection just to reaffirm that he loves me, and that's all that matters. I've already tried talking it over with him but it didn't really help at all. Recently, it hasn't been bothering me so much, but I did go through a bout of hysterical crying whenever I thought about it. I have had a relationship before I met him, but it doesn't compare to the relationship they had. I almost hated the guy by the end of it - he was always putting me down and hurting me (Mentally and physically) and it did cross my mind that it might be jealousy that he'd had sex with someone that he cared about at the time.I'd really appreciate any help because I think it's having a huge impact on our relationship. :(
View related questions:
best friend, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): I think it would help if you would stop blaming yourself for your feelings. They are totally natural and understandable even if they are a problem right now.
It sounds like you are jealous because you feel that you don't have his whole heart and never can because of her. The fact that this is your first big love is probably a lot of the cause. It must feel uneven for you.
You wouldn't be the first girl to feel that way about a guy because he had an ex that he was serious about. And plenty of guys feel that way about their GFs because they had slept with previous BFs.
|
