A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok. i met a girl last month we met up a few times on the weekends and text, emailed and talked on the phone all the time. we both really liked eachother a lot.the problem was though that she had come out of a relationship that she was in for 4 years. it was her first love and had a hard time getting over him.she was being really open and (i thought) really honest with me about everything. she told me she didnt like him but she couldnt completley have him out of her life yet because he is all she has ever known and was feeling really confused. she told me on a few occsions how much she liked me and if it wasnt for her head being messed up over her ex she would more than likley be going steady with by now. it was hard getting her to come out though at times because she used to say its really awkward and she needed to tell her ex that it was all completley over( she was still in touch with him and saw him from time to time).i really dont think i was imagining how much she liked me.lol. she asked me out a couple of times and initiated meeting on the weekend and things. anyway the thing is last week she said shwd we leave it, which i couldnt believe, and two days later i find out on a networking site that shes back with her ex. i know it sounds daft cos i didnt know her longer than a month but i am completley GUTTED!her ex slept with someone behind her back a year ago, they tried making another go of it but she said it was never the same but now shes gone back 2 him again. fair enough if she wants to have another go but what i dont understand is that on her page on a networking site shes saying how loved up she is and making a really big effort to say how good their relationship is. how can it suddenly be all rosey when two days earlier she was on the phone to me for ages and she didnt even want 2 be with him.im so cheesed off cos i really liked her, and im better looking than her bf and would never cheat!lol.i also sent her an email wen i found out she went back 2 him saying no hard feelings and if it didnt work out to give me a call in the future. wasnt a bad message just wanted to leave a door open.can anyone tell me how it can suddenly be all great between them all of a sudden? is there anything i can do now? should i speak 2 her if i see her out? any advice would be really appreciated cos i dont know wot i shwd do know. has any1 been in this position before whether it be hers or mine? is there a reason shes making such an effort to show how much she loves him all of a sudden?
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (23 May 2008):
 Hi,
sorry mate, but some girls just keep going back to the men who treat them like shit.
If it makes you feel any better you should know that this is destined to end in tears. If he cheated on her before he will most likely cheat on her again. He obviously has a strong hold over her so she is caught up in that trap again.
Look mate, you are a young bloke, you just lucked out going with a girl who is attracted to these user types. She may learn her lesson, but don't allow yourself to be the lab rat. Because I am sure that at some stage he will upset her again and who is she going to turn to? YOU. But then what happens later on when he comes back again. This will be cyclical, she will keep going back to him and you will keep getting burned.
Take it on the chin and move on buddy. Sorry.
A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (23 May 2008):
 She is addicted to him. She most likely does love him. A lot of times after a tough break-up we tell ourselves we don't care or weren't in love in attempts to get past it. Also you were a rebound, plain and simple. There is no way to get over a 4 year relationship so soon. I'm not saying she was using you, but I doubt yall were going to end up dating. And even if you did, it probably wouldn't work out as most rebounds do not. I have been through what she is going through. In my case I truly loved my ex but was in such a state of denial about it. And it doesn't matter that you are cuter, she loves him so in her eyes that's all. And about the network page- A lot of times also girls want to make their relationship out to be amazing and so in love, even when they have serious problems. I call this fake, but that is just me. Kind of like putting on a show for everyone else. And most of the time when a couple first gets back together it is all sunshine and roses. It's all about how much they missed each other and are in love but wait a few weeks or months, the same old problems will surface, trust me I have been there too. But in any case cut your losses. She is with him now and there isn't anything you can do about it. If she was more interested in you she would not have gone back to him so you just have to move on. If she comes back into your life later on then so be it, but for now let her go. You can say hi if you see her that is just being polite. It'll be a long while before she is completely over this guy so you wil be waiting... And I don't suggest dating her immediately after they break up as she would be using you (not purposely) to get over him easier. Good luck with everything.
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