A
male
age
,
*igdig
writes:She Went Back to Her ExWhen I met Dee, she had been out of an abusive relationship for six months. Her ex is an unemployed alcoholic who used to physically and mentally abuse her. She had to take out a court injunction and seek Police help to protect her from this very violent man.Dee and I fell very much in love. Buying a house together and I became a father to her children, as well as making several business investments together.Over the course of the next year, we received constant threats from her ex, culminating on two occasions in which I was physically attacked by this man.Relationships between Dee and her ex thawed somewhat in the summer of last year, when contact between her youngest child (though not the child of the ex) was resumed. In October of last year he pleaded with her to help him get a flat, to help him get a job. I was very uncomfortable with this situation, but she promised she was acting solely to help a ‘friend’, to whom she felt guilty.From there, their relationship blossomed, with her and her youngest spending more and more time with her ex. She constantly assured me there was nothing to worry about as it was me she loved and that she could never be with that ‘monster’.I was increasingly uncomfortable about this relationship, and then I February I was told that he was telling all that she sent him a Valentines card, and that they were getting back together.I confronted Dee with this, and she flatly denied it, but I was still not comfortable, so I then began to read her text messages, and one of the first I read from him was on 14 Feb, ‘Thanks for the card you pushed through my door, it made my day! Xxx’I carried on reading text messages for the next few weeks, becoming increasingly anxious, with messages such as ‘I love you xxx’ being exchanged. Then on 15 March there were two particular texts, ‘I can’t support us both, until you get a job, I can’t make my decision to leave.’ And ‘Until I make my decision you will have to make do with the precious little time we have together.’It was also apparent they were making plans for secret liaisons during the daytime.I confronted her with this, and she swore on her children’s lives that nothing was happening, and that she was counselling a tortured soul, and she was just trying to encourage him to get his life back in order. She swore she loved me, and only me and that she would end this situation immediately.But she didn’t. She just became more secretive, hiding her phone away, and becoming more, and more remote.This tension resulted in us breaking up on 12 April. That night she spent the night at his flat.I moved out. Then on 16 April she asked to speak to me. We went for a walk, and she confessed he had lured her back, that they had been together for four days, that they had sex, once, the night she stayed at his flat. She told me she had made a huge mistake and wanted me to come back. I forgave her and moved back on 19 April.But she still seemed remote, and I was bombarded with texts and phone calls (not answered) from her ex.Then on 27 April, she deleted two texts and a voice message from her ex on my phone, whilst I slept. I phoned him the next day, and had a reasonably amicable conversation with him. He claimed they were sleeping together for a month before we broke up, and that they had been sleeping together since we got back together.By the time I got home, he had told her of the conversation, and she admitted it. So we split up again, this time with me moving in to the spare room until I could get something suitable to move to.And on 29 April he abducted her, and beat her black and blue.Now she wants me back again. I love her, but what’s going on? What should I do?Am I second prize? Can she get him out of her heart? Or should I just walk away?
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alcoholic, broke up, got back together, her ex, moved out, split up, text, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): leave, walk away and never look back.she claims she's nurturing a tortured soul? not aware that her own soul is no better then his.
she wont get him out of her system, u cant help some1 who doesnt want to help them self.love urself, u will meet the right women for u.
and by staying around such a contaminated environment with such people, u r destroying yourself.
leave be4 its too late
A
male
reader, sigdig +, writes (8 May 2009):
sigdig is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your valuable advise. I think you are all correct and I must move on, it's just so hard. But I'll be strong.
Thank you all again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): Leave her, she swore on her children's lives that she wasn't cheating, but she was! Come on that's awful
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (7 May 2009):
 The answer is simple....
do you want to be cheated on, and keep your head in the sand and have these two losers in your life?
Dude, no one deserves to be cheated on. She is a liar, and a manipulator. she is playing you like a fiddle.
Get tested for STD's and find the nearest curb and dump this piece of trash off at it.
Get on with your life and let these two goofs destroy each other...you dont need that crap.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 May 2009):
Well if he abducted her then she should go to the police and get him locked up.
I don't think you should take her back. you are not her family and you are not a women's refuge.
But you should not abandon her. If she gets him charged with this then he is very unlikely to get bail with all the evidence that he is likely to come after her and you.
She needs to go somewhere to a friend he doesn't know about for her and your safety she can't come straight to yours.
Once he's locked up then you two can start talking again but you are going to have to be friends first and take a LONG time to build up the trust. You have to know she is actually ready to move on and leave him.
Tell her that she needs to dial 999 and get professional help from the domestic violence team. Once she has sorted herself out through them, THEN you can talk.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (7 May 2009):
 Sweetie, you need to cut ties with her because she is going to go between you and her ex as long as you let her. Unfortunately, its a vicious circle and you will be very hurt in the process.
The fact that she goes back to the ex and when things get sour she wants to come back to you - say NO! You are worthy of better treatment.
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (7 May 2009):
 oh my word!
to be honest hun you are better off out of this.
you gave her the life of luxury and she abused that and kept going back to her ex!
she knew what he was doing before to her why did she think that would change?
it's in his genes!
i'd keep well away from her be her friend of course but not relationship she ruined that with you first time around.
and bringing her little girl to see him isn't the way to go either.
she needs to stay well away from him.
and you need to keep away from her stop her messing you about and ruining good things when she has them.
you need to find someone who is going to be there for you when you need them respect you and respect everything you do for them.
hope this helps.
chin up.
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