A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A little note about myself I've had a long history of depression through out my life. I've been dating a girl for almost two years now. She's 23 years old and I myself am 21. The relationships is a bit odd since we met through the internet and met up then it picked up from there. She is from Australia and I'm from USA... The problems I'm feeling are, that she seems to always want things her way and if I disagree she will get mad at me. She doesn't really like to plan things out in advance and just likes to let them happen at the spur of the moment. I understand that some times that is fine and makes a relationship exciting, but take for example the fact I'm moving to Australia. I'm leaving my family, my pets and my whole life just to be with her. I'd like to get an apartment and job when I move over in order that I can feel more privacy and secure. But she insists on wanting to live with her mother. I'd be completely fine with it, but I feel very uncomfortable with her mother. She seems very informal , she's 39. Does drugs, smokes all day, lies in bed and has been divorced 4 times. Yet my girl takes advice from her for everything, so it worries me. My girl dropped out of school and has no intent on getting a GED or even attempting to study anything. The same course that her mother did as a child. I've asked her many times if she would like to move to the USA and such, but she always states I can't leave Australia. USA sucks this and that. But she hasn't even left her state once in her life... When ever I ask her I'd feel more comfortable moving if we had some stuff planned out, she just says grow up stop being immature.This girl I love her with all my heart, she means the world to me. Every time I'm with her I feel good, but these things are just in the back of my head and I'm not sure what to do. I feel I'm being torn apart by having to chose between her or my life I currently have. The if I felt more secure about all these things I could easily pick. But I just don't know what to do at all.Please help me, what should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): Making such a move is a very dramatic thing to be doing. I know you said that you loved her, but one should question as to what her intentions are? Relationships are about compromise, and it would seem, that you are doing all the compromising in this relationship. Tell her how you feel, and let her know that you do have some concerns about living with her and her mother. It doesnt mean you love her any less, and she'll understand that if she really does want this to work. Afterall, you respect her desicion as not to study, she ought to repect your concerns with living arrangements.
And please, whatever you do, dont give into something just because theres a possibility she'll get mad with you. That is not a reason, thats a threat.
Im not quite sure whether you are still suffering from depression,yet whatever the case is,you are important, and you do deserve to live a happy life.
Goodluck :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): You can already see the problems in the relationship, all her own way with you doing all the giving and giving up your life in the USA for her.
I think your best plan of action is to get some help with your depression. It could be that part of your problem is doing too much pleasing of others and then resenting it and not expressing what you want yourself.
Don't do anything so drastic as moving until you sort yourself out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): Dont move to Australia it will be a huge mistake. This girl sounds like she is using you as she has no intention of bettering herself she is going to rely on you for everything. You are already doubting what you should do, so rather stay put until you feel that you are ready to move to Australia.
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