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male
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anonymous
writes: My girlfriend who I've been going out with for about half a year just dumped me. She says it's just because right now her schedule between school and work is just too overloaded and that she doesn't have time for a serious relationship. She also says that she still likes me but she only wants to be friends right now until her schedule cools down a little. I mean should I wait for her schedule to calm down and try and be her friend even though i still have very strong feelings for her? I mean what should i do? Any and all help would be great. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2005): I'm sorry this has happened to you and no, dear-do not wait for her. It sounds like she may not have any intention of getting back together with you and you should accept this reality, as hard as it is. Breaking up is hard to do but moving on afterwards is even harder. Dwelling on any break-up is not emotionally healthy and I feel this is what you may be doing.
Accept the fact that the relationship is over. Do not give yourself unrealistic fantasies that you might get back together one day. Respect the fact that the relationship had its time, but has now ran out ways to work, from her standpoint. This was a chapter in your life that has now closed and you are now ready to grow and enter another chapter of your life.
Everything is a learning experience, so use it your advantage! Look over your relationship and list what went good about it and what went wrong. Use these notes as a tool to improve your future relationships skills.
Going through a break up does cause you emotional withdrawal and pain, which may cause you to generalize everyone you meet or choose to date. Keep in mind that everyone is an individual with their own unique qualities and personalities and your encounters with them will not carry the same experiences as your ex-relationship.
Take some time to get to know yourself again before you get involved with someone else. Know what you really need and deserve and what you are ready to give another person. When you are sure about what you are willing to give and to receive, you will be able to find a partner who will suit you well.
The best thing you can do is get out and enjoy life and see where it takes you. Start mingling with old friends and enjoy being a single guy again. Don't date others too quickly. Just give yourself time to come to terms with the break up but please, don't hold out and think you may get back together with your ex. Just mourn, grieve, get over it and get on with life again. Take care, dear and I wish you well
Hugs
Irish
A
female
reader, InAgOnY4yOu +, writes (10 September 2005):
it seems that your girl friend is feeling a little stressed and bogged down by her work and school. And feels that she is unable to give you the full attention that she feels you may need this may be that she is unable to stick to any dates that you may set for you and her? so to not end the realtionship with you feeling as if you hate her for not sparing the time for you to spend with her, it seems she feels a break is in need for her to become more organised and sorted with her work and school and then to be able to start your relationship where you left off. As this is her choice, it is now your choice wether you wait around for her to finish doing what she needs to do? if you truely feel as strongly for her as you say you do you will feel that you can wait around forever for her. But if not then maybe its best you kept as friends see how things pan out and if she takes too long in your eyes to make her decision then try and move along. hope this helped and you both work it out
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A
female
reader, lildeesbg  +, writes (9 September 2005):
 here is my opinion.. she is just not that into you. here is why. When someone is in a relationship their happy about and potentially loves the person, nothing will get in the way of that. I mean lets face it true love is hard to find. Also when someone feels overwhelmed with work they want an escape from it all, that can and should be you. Unless you were being over-bearing and not understanding her situation then she had no other real reason to end things.
Being friends after a relationship just ended especially when you still have strong feelings there is ruff and can be tricky. Be friendLY not friends right away. Once time has passed it will be easier to make the transition.
As for waiting, honestly here is what i would say if something else comes along take it because you might miss out on someone who actually wants you to be there when things get to crazy.
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