A
male
age
36-40,
*owedo
writes:It's been almost three years since we first broke up. About two years since we actually spoke to each other even though we were hanging out within 5 feet at a friends about a year ago and still didn't actually speak. I don't know a lot obviously, but I do know she is almost assuredly still in a relationship that started with a high school friend, immediately after we broke up. We dated in college for three years and were almost engaged. After our breakup she started dating her best "friend". I don't know anything for sure bc I don't talk to her and really don't need or care to know. The thing is I'm still devastated. She was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I have never seen or spoken to a girl since them that I felt had the same great combination of qualities. I date, but can't find anyone I truly like. I feel soured by our ex relationship. I graduated law school and became a lawyer, which was a part of our breakup, at least the ignition. (She didn't get in and law students don't have time for others plus I made new friends without her). She broke up with me. I'm still struggling. I would love to hear some thoughts on helping if possible.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2012): I know this may sound counter-intuitive OP but I think you need to contact her and talk. You sound like haven't gotten closure.
Look three years is long enough that you should be over her but you still have this crazy romantic notion that she's the one who got away and quite frankly OP that's having a pretty shitty effect on your life.
I think it's time you reconnected, meet the person she's become and see where her life is.
Situational break-ups are the worst and hardest to get over but I have a feeling things may have been left unsaid or the reason she dumped you may have had more to it than you're aware of.
I had an ex contact me after a couple of years before, she still held a candle for me as it turned out. Our break up was situational or so she thought. I told her when we broke up that it was because I wanted to travel around Europe, which I did. When I came back she asked for a meet up for some drinks and she admitted she still had feelings. So I told her the truth which was that I wasn't actually in love with her, never really got that stage with her and actually stayed in the relationship a lot longer than I should have. I thought using the Europe excuse would spare her feelings and pride but the fact is it just kept the hope and fantasy alive in her that when the situation changes we could be together again.
Maybe the situation you're in is different OP maybe you hold no hope consciously but part of you won't let go, but the principle is the same. 3 years a long time at your age and she'll be quite different now to how she was.
Time to reconnect, time to throw your cards on the table and see what happens. Something tells me you need to final nail in this coffin, to remove the last shred of hope and to get rid of this hyperreal mental image you have of her being so amazing. She obviously wasn't that amazing if it didn't work out, it's time you had all your mental questions answered.
I'm a firm believer in no contact, for me it has always worked, but I always make sure I leave nothing that I need answered left unsaid. Closure is essential and if you're not over her then somewhere in you still believes there's hope, you may disagree and I may be wrong but I'd give talking a try.
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (27 October 2012):
 HI
I'm sorry you still feel the way you do, but you Have to move on if you ever want a chance of being happy again. If she indeed went out with her best "friend" straight after ending things with you then she never really loved you. How could she if she moved on so quickly, Also her best friend!! which would lead me to think that this was not a rash thought, this was something that had already started before you both split. Your worth and deserve more than that from a woman. Please don't fall into the trap of once bitten twice shy, because there are plenty of good decent women out there that would love the chance to make you happy. Well done for getting through law school, you now have your whole future to look forward to, don't waste any more of it by looking towards your past.
Good luck with all you are still yet to achieve, and remember these words.........The past is a learning curve, we lived it, learned from it, now we are moving on from it!
Mandy x
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