A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,I've been a relationship for the past 2.5 years now. I'm 18 and my girlfriend is also 18 and we are each others first boyfriend and girlfriend. We have chosen not to have sex until marriage however there is always one thing that bugs me. I do dearly respect her, i make sure that anything that goes on between us suits her needs and ensures her comfort, however during the past 2.5 years, she has never hugged,kissed or made any move to me unless i tell her to. An example would be if we meet up, she will not hug me or kiss me for the whole day, if i don't hug her first. I feel hurt because i asked her how it feels when i kiss her or hug her and she said she feels so loved and happy. I want this feeling. I know she genuinely loves me but i think it's vital that she at least hugs me or kisses me willingly because i genuinely want to experience that feeling. When i ask her why she doesn't make moves, she claims that she is shy. That is perfectly reasonable, we are each others firsts but after being together for 2.5 years, how can you be shy...? I may be wrong in this situation so please do correct me if i'm wrong. She then says she's not experienced at making moves therefore she is shy. Don't get me wrong, she loves being close to me and we are quite physically close. But she will only be physically close if i am the one that starts things off. This has been going on for 2.5 years. I just want her to initiate things because then at least i know that she is in the mood and enjoys loving me. I'm sorry that i'm blabbing heaps. Thanks for listening everyone. I am here to take opinions and criticism if necessary. There was one time where to test as to whether she would make a move or anything, i just did not kiss her or hug her. We were sitting next to each other closely but she didn't do anything, she just sat down gazing into the sky. It was a waste of time but it just showed me that she wasn't really willing to make any move. When i had confronted her about it, she started telling me off about how i don't understand it takes time and that she would be more comfortable during marriage. I told her how i felt and she said she would work on it, but till this day... no progress on making a move. haha. Her arguments were viable but i don't know. It still frustrates me that she doesn't make moves!Anyway thanks for listening to me :). Sorry for all the blabbing. Please try give me any advice as to what i can do about this situation. Much appreciated everyone :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2012): I totally agree with Abella, I am very similar to your girlfriend and I am 33. I am very self aware that I do this and hate the fact that I do it. But I only do this in a relationship where I am getting to know the person. When you put her to the test by allowing her to gaze into the sky, I guarantee if she knew what you were thinking, she would have kicked herself for missing that opportunity. I agree it maybe as a result of a strict upbringing, cultural or religious views that supress her urges to act out, but also you can view it as the large respect that she has for you. I suggest that you openly communicate with her, allow her time and compliment her greatly when she does it, if at any point her timing is wrong let her know in a sympathetic way so that you do not scare her and as a result make her think twice about acting on her urge to initiate a kiss or hug again.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (27 October 2012):
 She may lack confidence in sexual matters. but I would be concerned that this may well be who she is for all time. Some people are less demonstrative and not 'huggy" type people. You could be setting yourself up for an intolerable situation in the future.
However it may be that so far she lacks sexual confidence because she has so little experience. She may also be concerned about letting herself be demonstrative in case it opens up the door to more. I am talking about her confidence to stop something before it goes further than she wants things to go, at this point.
Another issue may be extra strict parents who have put the total fear of anything sexual into her head. So that she is terrified of crossing the line.
Talk to her abot how much it would mean to you if she would initiate things on occasions.
After all this time together I would expect that you would cuddle often and that either her or you would initiate hugging and kissing. Such things are simply Demonostrative loving things to do. They are completely normal in a relationship of the duration you speak of and for your age group.
if she thinks only you should initiate things then she also needs to explore why she has such out-moded ideas.
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