A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok I met a gorgeous girl a while ago who I like loads and have never felt so connected with someone. Anyway we were making love and I made her have mulitple orgasms and asked her later on whether she had them before. She replied with yes and the most she had at one time was 10 which is way more than we achieved. She said it as if it was something she was proud about and almost felt like she was rubbing it in my face. I've only had one serious relationship before this and unfortunatly she was nowhere near as sexual or as willing to try things as my current girlfriend. It seems like she tried a lot of things and seemed to be sexually liberal which intimidates me a bit.I can't stop thinking about her having 10 orgasms with some guy and it makes me sick to the stomach and anxious and nervous and tearful. I know this might be down to me being insecure. The fact that it is a long distance relationship and we won't see eachother for a couple of months also doesn't help.Any decent advice would be greatly appreciated as I love her and just want to be happy with her.
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insecure, long distance, orgasm, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRight ok well I realise I am sending mixed msgs about myself and my girlfriend. I am not bragging about those things that I said about what she said about my performance and how I make her feel. That is exactly what she said. I don't find her intimadating at all in the bed, I am very confortable with her and feel perfectly secure with her.However I do find thinking her having 10 orgasms in a row with some ex boyfriend very very intimidating and I do feel insecure and vunerable about that. Like i said she has said that I am the best she has ever had but even her saying that still doesn't stop me feeling insecure and like sh*t. I've never been with someone who could have multiple orgasms that easily so therefore I never been that able to just keep going and going and have that ridiculous amounts of orgasms. Yes it may be jealousy but it also feeling very insecure about my performance despite the compliments that she has given me. Maybe it is just better for me to end the relationship if i can't get it out of my head. As much as i don't want to say it I just feel like its something that will always make me feel like sh*t. Unless there is some way that I can manage how i think about things.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (16 December 2009):
 I've been in a similar situation: trying to 'forget' thing i learned about my partners former sex life that I found really hard to handle.In the end I realised a few things, and in time did manage to overcome it. Some thoughts:- You'll never 'forget' it. Don't even try. It's permanent. Give up on wishing for a situation where you'd never asked, or where you no longer know. It's impossible and that impossibility will only make your frustrations worse.- Accept that it happened. But also accept that you'll never like it. It's always going to hurt, and it's never going to feel good.- Learn your reaction and behaviour when you think about it. This is where you do have some control. You can teach yourself to not react when the thought enters your mind. By this I mean something very specific: - When this memory happens you're going to always have a negative emotional reaction. It can't be avoided. So accept it, and feel it when it happens. Don't repress it but rather allow yourself to feel it full-on. - What you can control is your rational mind. When you are in this state, don't 'think' about it. Feel the negative emotions, but don't try to explain, label or dwell on them. Feel, don't think, in other words.If you can do this, you'll find that the negative emotions don't stick around long. As long as you don't think about it, the image will pass and so will the feelings. By thinking about it you are actually prolonging the pain, and amplifying it. By not thinking about it, you can let it go much faster.Once you learn to react like this, you'll find the problem becomes much less difficult. You'll realise it doesn't have to feel like a trap, but rather is a temporary discomfort that doesn't have to occupy your thoughts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk well I thought I'd provided an update about this but obviously not.
I wouldn't say I feel intimidated by my girlfriend and how she is sexually infact I think we both are very in tune with eachother and really enjoy sex with eachother. Infact she has told me how unbelievable I am and that she has never felt so good sexually and that I intimidate her with how good I am. She has even said that I should write a book I'm that good. Which i know sounds funny and sounds like I'm bragging but I'm not. I guess I felt happy and confident up until she told me what she experienced in the past and then i suddenly felt insecure, inferior and unconfident.
We haven't been together long and have only seen eachother 6 or so times but we have been communicating every single day for months. I totally regret asking that question and hope that it won't ruin our relationship or that I won't let it ruin the relationship. I guess I would love to obviously see if i could manage 11 but i'm sure she would probably know what I was doing and then this would probably stress her out and make it unachievable. I mean this isn't even going to be possible to achieve over the next couple of months as we won't see eachother.
Somehow I feel like i need to forget about it and not let it affect our good relationship and sex life. Obviously this is easier said than done. Maybe it is a confidence issue with myself and me being insecure. I certainly feel like I have lost my confidence a bit as a person and feel less secure about myself than when we first met.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have spoken to her about it and she says it is silly and she wished she had never told me. Somehow I wish I could just remove it from my mind but I find it so difficult to. I really wish I'd never asked and sometimes wonder if there is anyway of blanking this thought from my mind. Before I asked her this I felt so happy and confident now I just feel insecure and unconfident.
I wouldn't necessarily say that she knows more than me as we both are pretty good together when it comes to sex. Infact she has told me that it has never felt this good and joking aside she said I should write a book it is that good. I know these are big compliments but I still feel kind of horrid thinking of her coming 10 times with one guy. The image in my head makes me feel sick. Maybe its cos i feel no matter what I do I could never achieve that many orgasms with her and therefore feel inferior and intimidated. I know its quality over quantity but can't seem to get that in my head and feel happy about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): 10 orgasms was probably a fluke?
Don't let her think orgasms are the goal, or she'll be less likely to have them!
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A
female
reader, MistressNataliee +, writes (15 December 2009):
Yeah, maybe she WAS with this guy, maybe she DID have 10 orgasms but theyre not together now. If sex was everything she would probably still be with him, but seen as though shes not im thinking she looks for a lot more in a relationship and if she doesnt? Shes not worth it.
There is more to life than sex and if she wasnt happy she would have broke up with you but she didnt. Dont worry about it hun, im sure it will be fine.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): Think of it this way she might of had ten with him but she is with you now
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A
male
reader, Yos +, writes (15 December 2009):
"I asked her later on whether she had them before."
The moral of this is: be careful what you ask because you may not like the answer.
I suggest that you don't ask any more questions like that.
As for the number: don't worry. Work on your relationship and see if you can manage 11.
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