A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Here it isMy girlfriend and I have been friends for 5 years.. we dated for a while and sometime in march of 2008 we parted ways due to the distance and some mistakes I made and are currently dating again soon to be engaged... thinking the single college life was what i wanted.. thinking I wanted the nasty college lifestyle.. the typical male bravado... i let her slip awayduring the summer when I was away i realized how much of the truest woman I'd ever known she was and reached back out to her. When i returned it was as if we'd never parted. A few weeks later... the revelation she was raped by a coworker.. raped after the prom i promised to take her to.. if i'd worked harder and realized who she was to me then... none of this would have happened. on top of that... this animal impregnated her and she had to have an abortion... in fear of her overcontrolling parents she did not tell them, or anyone, she had to go back to this animal and tell him she was pregnant. he had to pay for her abortion and for her painpills... she was alone all that time. i was in some far off land training for the marines and visiting parentsi have supported her and given her space i knew she needed.. physically once i found out and became a friend instead of something more. The last thing she needed was a relationship. i convinced her to tell her parents.. everything. i knew it would destroy her to keep it a secret any longer. i have directed her to my mother, a pastor.. her parents have tigtened control over her.. they dont believe her and have told her that she needs to ask forgiveness for killing their grandchild. They have shut down all contact she has with the world nearly, kept her from moving out by manipulation and maneuvering.. she is in survival mode.. trying desperately to get out. Her father has not gone after this animal. i myself have contemplated murder in my lesser moments.. my dreams are haunted by these images and my imagination runs 1000 miles a minute at times as it makes up the possibilities... i struggle with rage, pain, sadness and depression...i love this woman with every fiber of my being... i have not given into it.. but it is so, so hard.. when does this end? i pray that one day i dont touch her wrong... hug her wrong and it all comes flooding back to her. she will be moving out shortly.. finally.. my mother and I will be urging her to councilling..i love this woman... but this overpowering.. rage.. guilt.. all of it.. i care barely live with myself.. she told me the other night she was scared i would leave her because of all the baggage shes has to carry... i carry someone of my own and always feel i wont ever be good enough for her.. be enough to get her through this.. i wont run, im not a coward when the going gets tough, but this, this is enough even for me.. but statements.. that she "doesnt want to loose me again.." are more than i can bare. how?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIs it wrong to want to know what happened one day? To know if she was beaten or if it started as something wanted and turned into something else? im so tired of my imagination... I feel guilty for expressing my own pain to her over this... I wasn't the victim.. I feel wrong and stupid for daring even express it to her like.. how dare I have the right to express my own personal struggle and pain to her when nothing has happened to me.. I can't compare.I don't want this to become what my father expressed to me when we talked about all this... my mother was molested and beaten as a child by her father and when they were intimate in the first few years of their marriage she would curl into a fetal position and sob for hours... it nearly tore their marriage apart because my mother didn't want to do that to my father... even though we're not intimate, I wouldn't even contemplate such a thing right now... I don't know if I could handle that... I'd rather not touch her period than to see that... I'm not even necessarily talking about sex. She was raped. Where do I come in? Is there ever any closure for me? any.. satisfaction or moving on..?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIs it wrong to one day want to know exactly what happened? im tired of dreaming of details... wanting to know if she was beaten.. if it started out something she wanted and turned into something else..I feel guilt for letting this affect me so.. it didnt happen to me but.. i hate talking to her about my feelings on it because I feel I dont have the right to express them to her when she was the victim.. that combined with the guilt knowing in my head it wasnt my fault, but in my heart believing it was.. that if i tried a little harder and knew she was my future betrothed i would have stayed with her and she wouldnt have gone with him to prom.. its agony. i dont want this to turn into my mother.. she was mollested by her father as a child.. my father in telling him about all this told me about that.. that at the beginning of his marriage my mother would curl into a fetal position and sob for hours after intimacy... i dont want that.. i cant have that.. i love her but is that enough...
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A
female
reader, michele21 +, writes (4 January 2009):
 well she needs your support and your love right now...you seem to be the only one on her side trying to help her through this hard time in her life...just be there for her anyway you can its going to be hard and tuff but you have 5yrs behind you you know who she is and what she loves she is probably a changed person and i couldn't imagine going through something like that and i would never wish it upon my worst enemy....but im sure you are a strong man just help her comfort her tell her everything is going to be ok and take it one day at a time thats all you really can do good luck sweety....
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