A
male
age
51-59,
*amdaman
writes:i recently got married and on our first night we didnt go all the way as she said it was hurting her but even on the next day she didnt bleed but she says she was a virgin. can that happen as she doesnt play any sport and i always thought there should be lot of blood on the first time you do it. i dont worry about if she was or not its just i want to know whats the truth. i know i had never been with another woman before her and just want to be sure she is telling the truth as well plus it doesnt make a difference now as i love her.thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (25 July 2009):
 Not all girls are born with a hymen, I never had one.
A
male
reader, dragionz  +, writes (24 July 2009):
 i wouldnt worry about it too much the hymen can break inside just from even stretching and riding a bicycle.. it could have even broken during a game of sport at school?.. not all girls bleed.. but the first time is always going to hurt
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A
male
reader, samdaman +, writes (24 July 2009):
samdaman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you very much for all your help, i just didnt want to conforn her as she would have thought i am not trusting her so just wanted to know more before i ask her but i think its not owrth it if she is lying then its up to her at least its a begining and i wont to give it my all as this days it doesnt make any diffrence and hopefully she sees me as being hinest and if he wants to change her statement one day up to her if its the truth its fine as well.
thank you everyone for enlighting me
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A
male
reader, strawman79  +, writes (24 July 2009):
Marriage, above love, is based on trust. ----good words
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): in certain cultures proof of virginity is a must- but in your situation i think it has nothing to do with culture but a preference and trust issues. if your wife claimed she was a virgin then maybe she was but the bleeding, as explained by others, differs from woman to woman. you say that her not being a virgin now doesn't matter since you love her but i think you are suffering from guilt and mistrust. you feel guilty for mistrusting her claims of virginity. you can end all these feeling by simply asking her-yes, open communication, she may appear to be hurt by your accusation, so please do not accuse but merely ask/query. tell her what you think and tell her it doesn't matter. but she needs to understand that you will not condone any lies. if she is lying then you two need major assistance right from the start of this marriage. she needs to feel safe with you if she is going to "confess" anything. please do not judge but rather try to understand why she may have lied, if indeed she has.marraige is so special, yours can be too. but you both have to work at it and communicate and not hide from any truths you both may discover about each other. good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): many women don't bleed. i think the bigger problem is that you didn't take her word for it, for a marriage to have so little trust is worrying
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): It's very likely that she was a virgin. when I lost mine it hurted, I tought I wasn't going to go through with it, but at last it was possible.
I didn't bleed, at least not right away, so obviously my partner didn't see the slightest drop of blood anywhere. He didn't believe either that I was a virgin (and the fact that he didn't believe in my word did hurt a little)
Marriage, above love, is based on trust. You need to learn to trust each other. Of course that leaves you more vulnerable, but it is the way it goes, you've got to love and believe in your parter. If in the worse case scenario she was lying to you or she hurt you, at least you'll know you did things the right was and it's her lose.
Please don't start your marriage based on distrust and lack of confidence. That'll bring unnecessary gloom on something that can be wonderful if you let it be.
Congratulations on your recent marriage. Sorry about being "preachy", I understand you asked out of curiosity and I believe this was the right place to vent your doubts. I just had to let you know my whole view on the subject.
Hope you have many wonderful years ahead for both of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): each woman is different, some show blood there first time some do not. there is no real way for you to know.
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