A
male
age
41-50,
*TC
writes:I've been seeing this girl Louise 23 for 4 dates. She's a barmaid at our local pub and after chatting to her one night after a lock in we got on really well. I saw her the week after and asked if she wanted to go out sometime and she said yes. I called her the next day and we arranged to go out on the Friday that week. We went to a small piano bar, had dinner and drinks, and then by the end of the night she was touching me and pulling me up to dance. We got on really well. Even had a little kiss when I dropped her off home at the end of the night. A* for the first date I thought. She even said it was the perfect night. I've then had constant texts from her 15+ a day.The Friday of the week after I was going home for the weekend so she made the effort to come and meet me for lunch where I work. She is also a journalist and so said she was coming over to write a review for a magazine on a spa. Now I work in the business district and know of no spa. So she travelled 45 mins to meet me for lunch. We had a catch up, and I asked where the spa was, it was another 20 mins away so no where near where I work really. We had a peck on the lips and then we went our separate ways. I wasn't getting a train home until 9pm that evening so after I'd finished work and after she'd been to review the spa, she came all the way back and we went out for a quick dinner. Well I say quick dinner, we ended up chatting having a laugh and before we knew it it was 8.30 and I was going to miss my train. Again I had constant texts off her over the weekend but I was at a wedding so couldn't reply, straight away. I saw her on the Sunday when I got back as I went to meet mates at the pub. She was working but came and gave me a quick kiss when she saw me. Anyway another lock in happened that night and when I said I was going home as it was 1am on Monday morning and I had work in 8 hours, I decided to get a cab home. Before I knew it, she'd grabbed her bag and coat and jumped in the cab with me to come back to mine. A lot of kissing and cuddling was had that night, but we did not go the whole way. I still had the constant texts off her that week, she had gone home mid week and we arranged to go out on the Friday, again I said I'll sort it all out and we went to the theatre and then had drinks after. Another great night and she even came back from home with a present for me. We later got a cab back to mine, we slept together. She left around lunch the next day as she was again working in the pub that night. I heard of her all week, but I didn't want to go diving in as I was off on vacation for two weeks the next Friday. After all her texts that week, I finally made the school boy error in reply to on of her texts I said "shame you're not sinking into bed with me". I had the reply of along the lines of that she wasn't looking for a relationship, but really likes me and loves spending time with me but has lots going on in her life at the moment. A complete contrast to the texts she'd sent earlier in the week saying she wishes she was having a duvet day with me. I said fine I understand and wasn't wanting to dive into anything, and was not pressuring her and agreed that spending time with her was great. Well it's gone down hill. I went away for two week's text her twice while I was out there. When I finally saw her again this weekend, she lent over the bar and we gave each other a quick peck even though I was standing with a female friend I had a lot of friends with me that night the majority of them being girls and I'd catch her looking over at me. I'd say hi if I'd walk past and she even got me a free round of drinks, but she's been an ice maiden since then, don't know if it was a bad night but the texts from her have dried up. And when we were sat around with friends at the end of the night she said "you're not waiting for me are you as I'm just going to go straight home as I'm tired". I haven't heard from her since, I've had to initiate the conversations now, and when I've asked if she wanted to go out again later that week, she said I was persistant. I wasn't the one sending 20 texts a day, buying her presents on the 3rd date and traveling out of my way to meet her. I've backed off completely now as don't want to freak her out, I really like this girl, from a girls point of view if you did this to a guy what would it mean? I have heard that she was going to have a date with someone else but that he bailed on her last minute.Confused and wanting to win her back
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (14 September 2009):
 Well if a guy had done this to me then I would take it as the classic "he just isnt into you" - so many guys have done this to me before it is quite strange seeing it the other way round!
I think you can give this one last attempt to sort this out, and if she still doesnt respond then you just have to write it off as bad timing and move on. Maybe give her a ring (more personal than a text) saying that you have really enjoyed your dates together and would like to continue seeing her. Tell her that you hope you havent given her the wrong impression about how you feel about her, and that you really like her and want to see where things lead.
Women really appreciate honesty and hate men that play games - so just be straight with her. Tell her how you feel and what you want to happen, and then she will at least know where she stands with you. It sounds like she might be a bit worried that all you are interested in is sex - if she agreed to go on a date with someone then it is pretty clear she is looking for a relationship on some level, she may have just said that to you to protect herself if she thinks you are just interested in sex.
So when you talk to her try not to mention that you want anything "casual" like that, just tell her you like her and want to see where it goes. Pick a night this week and have something in mind that you can do together - if you already have a night planned out (rather than saying "when are you free" or "what would you like to do") that shows how keen you are and that you have properly thought about your next date. Women like men to be decisive and having a romantic evening planned will win some brownie points! Dont invite her round to yours though - make sure you take her out somewhere (providing she agrees to go out with you!). If you say you just want to stay in - that equals "I want sex" whereas if you take her out, it shows you are proud to be out in public with her and want to do things together.
So I guess you just have to give it one last shot - be honest and tell her how you feel. Try saying something like "I know we have both been busy over the last couple of weeks and we have been a bit quiet with each other but I would really like to pick back up where we left things". If you are worried about what to say on the phone then try writing a little speech down before ringing her, that will help keep you on track! If you are open and honest with her then you have done all you can - hopefully she will appreciate the honesty and will want to go out with you again. But if she still sticks to this "I dont want a relationship at the moment" business then she is just messing you around and you can do better!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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