A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Operate Conditioning Question...Hey guys and gals im having a little ruff patch with my girlfriend. Its not really bad but it started when she gave me a "drunk" call a couple of nights ago. She asked if she could dance with other guys and I told her I prefer that you not(im ok with her dancing but not whens shes sh*t faced). She had some of her friends out with her too. I said things like do you want me wasted and dancing with people. So the evening passed got a few drunk txts but then the next day I was getting hit with a bunch of Im sorry, and I didn't mean to call you. So I ended up giving her a call that night. To see what was up. She had in fact been dancing with other guys(apparently not that long), and she used the fact that she was drunk to ok it and the fact that she doesn't drink a lot. So I just let her kind of vent and explain what happened a little(I showed concern). She didn't seem at all phased by the fact that I told her I preferred that she didn't drink. (I was talking to a drunk person). So the next day I gave her a message telling her I was little worried by the fact that she was using "I was drunk" as an excuse. She than replied and said she wouldn't dance with anyone else but me.... I told her I was ok with her dancing and I wanted her to have fun but I wanted to get my opinion across. I told her I didn't really want to talk about it anymore. She told me no worries and had a pretty big letter about her day. I replied and said "no worries?" Just be smart, responsible, aware and stuff(then a big letter about her day and my day)...Am I blowing this operate conditioning bit? Am I under reacting? My friend said that he would of been on his gf about this. I felt that I didn't want her getting away with being drunk as an excuse(I know she feels bad by puking and she doesn't normally drink this much) and wanted to make my case clear. Am I overreacting? What would of you done. I feel that im a really a kind person and I know she is too but I don't want her to think im a push over for not standing up for myself. This whole thing is kind of making me sick and I really like this girl but I feel I am losing interest in talking about it.
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 How come you weren't out with her? Let's see why ask to dance with other guys when you're going to do it anyways? At least she asked, (most of the time I just did it anyways) and it was just dancing however what's to stop her from maybe kissing one of these guys or going home with one. Just setting herself up for a situation that could potentially happen. "I'm drunk" is a sorry excuse, being inebriated doesn't give you a free pass to do as you please. She's got her friends to dance with, plus the fact that she's taken should register in her drunken mind as well. Also, her friends should have been against her dancing with another guy in retrospect you, I'm rather concerned on that. True it is just dancing but do you really want another dude bumping and grinding on your girl? She puked her guts out but that doesn't make up for what she did, and she seems ok with her actions like the alcohol made her do it. If she can't handle her alcohol then she shouldn't drink. Talk to her and point that out, she's 22-25 she can't use alcohol as an excuse it's just not being a responsible adult, regardless if it was dancing she wouldn't want you dancing with another girl....If you don't talk to her about this then it will happen again and she will continue to think it's ok, correct her. And next time she goes out I suggest you go along as well.
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