A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:After years of dating I have decided it is time to take the next step and ask my girlfriend of six years to marry me (many years of school has kept me very occupied). I intend on asking her during or just after the holiday season this year. Personally, I would really like this to be a surprise when I ask her. However, she has made it pretty clear that she wants to be able to pick out her engagement ring. I fear that ring shopping before the fact will take the surprise out of the occasion. Of course, I don't want to just go out and purchase a ring that she doesn't like either. What is a man to do in such a situation? Has anyone ever "popped the question" without a ring and then just gone shopping for it after? Or does that sound tacky and would that be frowned upon? I am curious to hear what other people would suggest or what other people have done. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): Ok, this is easy. Get a ring box, any nice looking ring box, and put a marble in it, or a rock, piece of gravel, whatever you want, but a pretty marble would be a nice memento that she will treasure.Wrap it, and take her someplace special.Then, get down on your knee or whatever you want to do, give it to her, ask her to marry you...and when she sees what is in the box...tell her that you think she might want to pick out something a little easier to wear...and you would be glad to help her.Hey, use your imagination!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): I was actually just wondering about the same thing. I have a ring picked out that I'd love my boyfriend to get me one day. I gave him the hint that the ring would be on the woman's finger the rest of her finger, so it'd better be something she likes. I believe it'd ruin it by taking her to pick out a ring, especially since she'll be just preparing for every dinner every date you guys go to and get disappointed every time it doesn't happen. The only solution I've worked out is to get her a nice ring that you pick out and one that is 100% money refundable. When the time comes tell her the ring is only a temp until she finds one she likes.
Congratulations on taking the next step, good luck to you both!!
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (19 October 2010):
 Let her pick the ring. It does ruin some of the surprise, yes, but you'll know she'll definitely like it and she'll still have no idea when or where you're going to propose.
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A
male
reader, Ven +, writes (19 October 2010):
I've seen it go both ways. Personally I think that a woman handing off her ring to the guy only leads him to hold off on asking thinking that eventually she will forget about it. Logically in my mind though, she gets to pick out the wedding ring (the ring that really matters in my mind).
So you can choose to ignore her wishes and get it yourself (which could come back to haunt you), or pick one out with her and then give it to her later. Be cautious though: even though she is the one tripping up the magic moment, you will still get the blame if you don't make it "magical" enough.
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