A
male
age
36-40,
*hetruth
writes:Im 21 now I started dating my girlfriend when we were 14. Last year we took a break, b/c she said she did not feel the same anymore. And I felt like our love was dying down. After about 7 months we started seeing each other and after 5 years we started to have a sexual relationship. Everything was fine until a few weeks ago. She said she does not know if she wants to be with me right now. She says she wants to eventually marry me and spend the rest of her life with me but that right now she does not know what she wants. She is seeing another guy, who is a friend but he is of another religion and culture and she says she feels different around him and that she does not see herself spending the rest of her life with him. I do not know what to think or do. I really love her and she calls me and talks to me everyday. We are both seniors in college and I know i want to go to law school , but she does not know what she will do with her life. SO she is very confused and says she doesnt know what to do, but wants to eventually spend the rest of her life with me. Again i do not know what to think or what to do. Any ideas?
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female
reader, Philosopher  +, writes (5 September 2008):
She thinks she loves you, but she wants to be sure there isn't something better. This makes you plan B. If she dates around and finds that you have been the best, she'll come back to you.
I would suggest not waiting around though. Make a fair plan - you'll both get out and meet other people. If you guys don't find anyone up to scratch, then in the future if you are both single at the same time - you'll give it another go.
You'll be more experienced and not wondering about if you could have got anyone better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2008): Ah-ha is totally right. I was there and faced the same situation. My guy got super upset and it was tough, but it was mecessary. I believe he has found a new girlfriend,and although I am single, I am glad I made that decision. I would not change a thing, and I'm sure hes all the more thankful for it, even though it felt like shit at first.
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A
female
reader, Ah-ha  +, writes (1 September 2008):
Hello there, Funnily enough I am actually in a similar situation to the girl who is causing you problems right now. I am waiting to have this very conversation with my boyfriend, the: 'I really love you but I don't want to be with you right now.' I can only vouch for myself here, but I don't want to sleep with anybody else, I don't want to be with anybody but I know I don't want to be in a relationship right now. Understand it probably genuinely is not you or anything you're doing wrong. You said you were both seniors in college? Well I just graduated, it's a really tough time for everybody I know who at this stage of their life whether they are in a relationship or not. We can pursue ANY career, ANY lifestyle we wish, move to ANY country, travel ANYwhere...So many, many options. BUT when you're with someone else you can't make those decisions without thinking of them and it puts a cap on some really exciting possibilities. Yes she is being selfish- but she's at the age where you're supposed to be selfish. Don't make her feel guilty, it's not as if she's leaving you and your 3 kids behind. I suggest you start being a little selfish too, look out for yourself and don't put too much time into this relationship- this instead is 100% YOU time, and you deserve it! Don't wait for her, she certaintly won't be waiting for you. I hope you enjoy your time to yourself, you'll discover things you never knew you were capable of.If you want to talk a bit more get in touch with me, I'd be happy to offer insight to anything specifically she may have spoken to you about, I'm not your girlfriend but I may have some idea of where she's at right now.And remember-"If you're never young and crazy, you'll never be old and wise"-A
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2008): She just wants to have her cake and eat it too, that's all. Let her go. And very important, DO NOT WAIT AROUND FOR HER. Right now she probably won't refrain from letting herself fall in love with someone else if he was suitable. (And she probably won't refrain from sleeping with a bunch of possibilities that aren't even half that suitable, either.) Don't waste years of your life devoted to her alone when she's telling you right up front that she's not going to reciprocate. GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. SEE OTHER WOMEN. HAVE SEX WITH THEM. HAVE REAL LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS THAT THREATEN TO REPLACE THIS GIRL PERMANENTLY. If you two get back together later, then you get back together later. But if it happens then it will be two different people that do it. You can try to keep yourself frozen as you are now, but she won't.
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A
female
reader, debrasue64 +, writes (31 August 2008):
Give her some space to figure things out, but continue to be supportive and listen to her. It is better for this to be in the open now than after you are married and she wonders if she did the right thing. It seems you have a strong
relationship and I believe things will work out if they are meant to be.
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