A
male
age
36-40,
*w22
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years now and engaged for 2,the 2 of us are 22. we have a house together and things were good for first 3 years. over the past year we have been fighting alot over just about everything and its killing me. i think our relationship has run its course but im not sure how to break it to her. she keeps going on about setting "the date" but i couldnt be further away from wanting to do this and i also worry about how she would be if we finished. any comments would be greatly appreciated as my head is wasted and i think she knows something is up.help!!!
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male
reader, bw22 +, writes (13 November 2007):
bw22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanx very much everyone for your advice, it has been greatly appreciated. i have alot of thinking to do first before i make a decision. thanx again.
A
female
reader, ambercich  +, writes (13 November 2007):
Well i think you should talk about it and just even take a little break say just going to a family members for a week or her going just to see if you will miss eachother. But alot of it is probly stress, hopefully you can figure it out but you need to be happy even if that makes her sad for a little while.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): You have just got to do it. I have been in your girlfriends position before, where I am the last person on the entire planet to see that my relationship is over. She is probably just in denial as I was. And I too still saw a future and the possibility of marriage while my boyfriend was just probably desperately trying to figure out how to break it to me that we were done. He started acting differently like going out without me alot and staying out late. His behavior changed. So I started to notice it. But like you he never really said it straight out so I didn't acknowledge it completely.
What really hit me and made me get the message was when he suggested that I move out (it was his apartment). I didn't get pissed off or anything. I was shocked though. I didn't ask any questions, though. A month later I just moved out. I mean I got the message. I understood all of the implications of him asking me to move out. I realised that he just was trying to break up with me. Anyways, a month later I moved out. No harm done really. I am sure if he had known that it would have been that easy to ask me to leave, then maybe he would have done it a long time ago.
And yes I cried (hysterically sometimes) for the first few months. It was tough. But I am an adult. I was not going to let that break me completely. But you can't help feeling sad and sometimes devastated after a break up. Especially adjusting to life without that person. And realising that, just like that, they are no longer part of your life.
He too was very upset the first few months. He wrote songs for me and he called crying and missing me several times after I left. So be prepared. It is not just going to hurt her but it is going to affect you too.
But you have got to just DO IT. Maybe you could start by telling her that you think it would be a good idea to live seperately. If she gets pissed off or doesn't get the hint then maybe you are going to have to be a bit more straightforward with her. But whatever you do, just do it. Don't be scared. It will probably be for the best. And try to be nice and a gentleman about it. But be straightforward and stop waiting. Things are not going to get better. So this is for the best. So stop holding off because it may be alot easier than you think. And even if its not, in the long run it will probably be for the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): I think you should sit down alone in a room and think and think on what your life with your girlfriend will be like when you are married and see if you really like it and yeah there maybe be fights but that is marriage
Then think on how your life will be without not getting married to your girlfriend and fight all the time she is acting like this because she is so much in love with you that she can't wait to be married
And if your still have doubts why did u lead her on for 2 years and say your getting married think it will help
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A
female
reader, FlatCat  +, writes (13 November 2007):
If you really beleive you cant go on in the relationship, then you need to be strong for the both of you and stop stringing her along. She is a big girl, and Im sure she will be able to move on. You need to do things that make you happy in life because there is so much of it to live! Move on, and remember if you are fighting alot already then expect a breakup to not go as smoothly as you would like. Get it over and done with and give her the opportunity to find someone who does want to be with her forever and does want to get married.
Good luck!!!
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