A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am very much in love with my girlfriend and being with her has been one of the best years in my life. Like all new relationships, when we first met it was all about being with each other - any minute we could steal together we would make sure we did. Likewise, the sex was (and still is) amazing. She's an incredible woman and I really couldn't see myself with anyone else. As this first year as a couple has passed, over the last 4 months she has seemed more apprehensive about any "long term" plans. She loves me without question and I know that, but she only talks about what she would like to do in the future; trips she'd like to take, things she needs to plan for in regards to her kids (we each have 3),etc. One day a couple weeks ago we were kidding around and she jokingly asked me how I ever put up with her and I responded with "well I love you and you're the only woman for me. I'm totally devoted to you." She looked me dead in the eye and said that saying things like that kind of freaks her out a little, that relationships are serious things and we need to go slow. I must say I was rather taken aback by that. As I said, we've been together for a year now and we aren't getting any younger (both in our mid 40's). I'm concerned that she is happy with how things are with us each having our own residence and seeing one another maybe twice a week. I'm not happy with that at all. Marriage isn't a necessity as I know getting remarried isn't on her list of priorities (her first and only marriage wasn't a cake-walk for her), but we had already agreed that we would at least live with each other and share our lives on a daily basis. I'm not sure what to do. I love her deeply but I'm not sure how much "slower" I can go. It just seems as though she's trying to build a life for her and her kids and me and my kids are on the outside looking in. What if I give her one more year and then she asks for another before we move onto the next stage of our relationship? I've been told that being patient with your loved one will reap rewards in the future but how much more patience do I give?
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male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (8 January 2013):
Well you guys are going slow enough so it has more to do with her fear of marriage than anything else.
You may need to have an open and honest rap session with her and explain your feelings and plans and ask her to be completely honest about hers.
You may find that she's just totally scared of marriage because of her first relationship. Or, she's just not seeing you as long term relationship material. Either way you deserve to know the truth.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): Us women can be tricky things... I guess its time for a romantic meal and a heart to heart chat. I'd think you need to find out how much of what you've told her, I.e. She your only women, she reciprocates. I mean guessing she loves you, isn't hearing her say it.Also, I think your gf has a nice habit ie. Its nice to see you two days and then go back to her own life with the kids. What you must do is became a solid fixture in their lives, ask to up the nights to four, say two for you both and two for family may it be a dvd night or night out. Your going to have to put yourself into their world . I'd say mostly what you said here and see what she says.
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