A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. It's never really felt and still to this day does not feel like a real relationship to me. Previously I've always had a very close connection with bfs, we've lived together from an early stage, met each others parents, been clear that we're looking to the future. The relationships have been faithful and I've leaved on my bf for emotional support, maybe too much I'm now realizing.My current boyfriend and I have had it rocky for a while. We started dating and were so into each other, texted constantly, spent a ton of time, went exclusive after two months and were boyfriend girlfriend shortly after. I treated him like a king but started getting suspicious that he was cheating. He'd lie about weird things and stayed in contact with girls I knew he slept with before me. One day I had enough and went through his phone. I was right. Through our 8 months of knowing each other and dating he'd been cheating with two other women as well as been going on dates with others. It crushed me. I gave up unsupportive friends for this guy (he's black, I'm white) and he had become my world. He took responsibility for the cheating but also said he thought I'd end up leaving him for my ex, a guy I talked about a lot, which is fair. He felt like the rebound even though he never was.After I caught him he said I was the love of his life and he didn't want to lose me. Usually he's very closed off with feelings so I took this seriously. We tried again. I don't believe he's cheated since, we lived together for about five months and I do trust he didn't do anything during this time, but he has taken the occasional number and conversed with exes. When I've found out about this I've lost all faith that he'll ever change. I will just end up getting hurt again even though he's been saying it means nothing and its minor. As long as he doesn't cheat I shouldn't react so strongly, basically.Well I checked out. Completely. And have been checked out for five months. I love him so much and couldn't find the strength to let go. He's done everything in his power to make me trust him and to show me that he's here and I still can't seem to get over the lies. He's getting tired of feeling imprisoned and I'm fighting to let go off the pain.What should I do? Leave? Be here 100% instead of blocking my emotions? I love him dearly and I don't believe he's a terrible guy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2013): There are about 3 billion male fish in the sea. Why hold onto this one? Toss him back.
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (9 January 2013):
Its either you forgive him 100% and move on, or you simply move on. No middle ground here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2013): If you cannot get over your mistrust then you should leave and let him go. He did a terrible thing cheating on you. But now you're also doing a bad thing of keeping him around while checking out of the relationship indefinitely. Make a decision, before he makes it for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2013): Hi I'm the one who wrote the question. You're absolutely right. When I brought up to him that I was checking out and feeling scared to get hurt again, it took no more than a month before he went out and got a number from a girl. When I found out about it he said he did it cause I said I was checking out. And he also excused it with "we only texted for a day, had I tried to cheat I wouldn't kept texting". Making me feel like an asshole for even thinking what he does is wrong.
I can also share that this guy has talked about marrying me and me being the mother of his children. He really has a hold on me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2013): He may be a great guy but he is not a good boyfriend. Stop letting him talk you into believing this is "nothing" or that you deserve it cause you were talking about an ex. What he is doing is so humiliating and such a betrayal.
This guy does not care about you. Get the hell outta there and stop communicating with him. Go get support from family and friends who actually DO care about you. They'll tell you what's up.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 January 2013):
 He is full of excuses and there is never a reason for cheating. He has not done everything thing in his power to gain your trust because he talked to his exes. He can't go both ways. If he said that you talking about your ex means he can cheat, him talking to his exes means him cheating. He is not being fair. Now there is one more reason for him to cheat, since you checked out on him already. He is not worth your 100% being vulnerable, and I believe he is terrible.
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