A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My wife is from a well-educated family, and is well-versed in culture, politics, literature, movies, pretty much everything a person could be interested in.I'm not at all like that. I'm from a low-income-recently-turned-middle-class background, I dropped out of college once before going back for a 2-year degree. I've never really been interested in much, pretty much just music. I have no interest in culture, literature, etc., but because of that, we are finding we have nothing to talk about with each other.It's not that I just hold back from her -- I don't really talk to other people at all. I can make polite conversation, but I feel like I don't really *know* anything, and so therefore I feel I have nothing interesting to talk about. I don't really like listening to others talk about things that matter to them, either, because I lose attention and start staring at the ceiling, or fidgeting.She wants me to have substance, and that intimidates me. I've never cared for much more than some "fluff" - a stupid-comedy movie, a bit of stand-up comedy, a dirty joke or a funny story. I don't like having to think. She dreads the thought of *not* thinking all the time, and wonders if I am really just a robot.Have you worked through similar problems in your relationships before, and what has helped? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): What helped me was dumping the shallow know it all's, that actually know Fxxx all really.
A
female
reader, Miss Potter  +, writes (10 November 2008):
 You decided to get married, that was either rushed or you just love each other so much...
I was in a similar situation with my ex, thank god we did not get married, he was from a working class background and for 3 years I was "going down on his level" watched football matches, spent evenings in a pub with his friends, went to pub quizzes nights. There is nothing wrong with having that lifestyle, but I am from upper middle class family, I just fell in love with a guy and it lasted 3 years. Then love faded away. Now I am with someone from the same background, in our spare time we play chess, dance salsa, watch news everyday and read newspapers, and we read a lot too. Completely different lifestyle now that fits me just fine. Not many people are ready to downgrade in social quality of their life, usually the partner who is behind tries to catch up, in your case you dont want to do that. You will have to work out some sort of compromise otherwise it will end up in divorce.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): There must have been something that drew you together. What did you talk about when you first met? Does she want you to talk about her interests or doesn't she mind? Ask her why she feels she always has to be thinking. Maybe you could listen to music together or she could tell you what she gets from literature etc. That way you would maybe understand each other better.
Sounds like she needs more fun to get her to lighten up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd, if she loves you, she accepts that you're different.
Maybe it's not her that feels you should be more like her, it's you?
She's pretty mad about it, and says that she always "assumed I'd grow out of it someday".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): Ok, to be honest, i have no idea what i'm talking about. I'm 15 in a week, so i havn't the foggiest about anything.
You're married, right? Maybe it's just my naive teenager self, but she loves you. For who you are. Not what you listen to, what you watch and what you read. And, if she loves you, she accepts that you're different.
Maybe it's not her that feels you should be more like her, it's you?
I know i probably havn't helped, but i've tried.
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