A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please don't judge this situation 'cos I don't understand it myself. I went out with a girl six months ago. We had a good time but after a month her ex and the dad of her kid wanted her back. She said that she felt it derserved one more try. Over the summer we stayed close and at the end of August they decided to end it. I've been there for her and she said that she'd like to be with me but that we should take it slowly. I was prepared to wait as long as she needed, but I think she underestimated how hard it would hit her. She said it didn't hurt as much because I was there. I met her kid but we were enjoying just doing things together and getting used to everything. However, all of a sudden, a couple of weeks ago she became distant and changed her mind, which is fair enough. She said she couldn't give me what I deserved emotionally. What isn't fair is that she is trying to make herself look like a bad person to make me "get over her." Why is she doing this as I don't deserve this? I've told her that if she thinks I will just stop caring about her like that then she is very much mistaken. I know I must keep my distance and give her time but it's hard to when I want her to know I am there for her.
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female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (4 October 2007):
 Hi Honey,
I am afraid that Dr Pete is right, she is definatly trying to tell you its over.
Take his advice, and dont wait for her. You sound like a nice person, and you need to spend time worrying about yourself rather than her.
You will mend, there is no alternative.
Take care XX
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): She knows you are there for her, but it sounds like she doesn't want to be there for you. She is showing this quite clearly by making herself look like a bad person, it he her way of telling you it is over. You should take these signs as her rejecting you, rather than instead trying to understand her and continue to offer to be there for her as it is only going to cause you more heartache.
We have all been in your situation, a lot of people many times, and it is perfectly understandable that you don't understand what you are going through. It is tough to get through an experience when you deeply feel for someone but that person doesn't share the same feelings towards you.
You say you must keep your distance and give her time, but I think you need to keep your distance and give YOU time. This is about you coming to terms with understanding the relationship is over, rather than hanging on to the idea that you are both going to get back together.
I do really feel for you and would say you need to focus your mind on other things, spend time with your friends or family and do things that stop you from keep thinking about her. Life will go on, without her, and you'll bounce back a stronger man than you were before you met her.
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