A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship for the past four years with a woman I am madly in love with. We have had some rough times before, like all relations, but we managed to get past them.I graduated from College last May. Since then I have been trying to look for a job, any job really. I've applied to all sorts of jobs including fast food, office jobs, anything and everything.I have been unemployed since graduating so things have been getting worse and worse.Well the two weeks ago she wanted a break in our relationship. I knew it was bad but I didn't think it was that bad. Well I finally talked to her again today and she said she thinks its over for a while. I know the mature thing to do would be to respect her decision and let her have her time, but I just don't think I can.I know its selfish but I'm so scared that I am going to lose her forever. We did everything together. I can't even function right now. I've lost a lot of contact with friends and even family since we have been so close together. I honestly thought this would last forever.I don't know what to do. I know she needs her time but it hurts so much and I don't know how to give it to her. I know its making things worse by being in her face all the time but my fear is with her space she will realize she is better off without me. I've never had to go through something like this in my entire life. It's been the hardest thing I've ever had to do before.If she wants more time it just kills me to give it. I just want everyone's opinion on what I should do. Am I wrong by constantly trying to contact her. Should I try to meet her in person even if she said she needs more time before we do. This is my first real relationship and I've never had a problem like this. I just need some advice on this issue. Thanks
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female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (3 June 2009):
 You're going through a massive rut in your life...It seems like it never rains but it pours.
With your girlfriend, I know it's a tricky one. You want to give her space, but not so much that she starts to get over you. You want to keep her thinking about you even subconsciously.
I would give her a week or so, and write her a letter - much less intrusive and in your face. Tell her how much she means to you, tell her how low you've been feeling about not getting a job, just tell her everything that's on your mind. You run the risk of opening yourself up to being hurt, but that's the risk you have to take.
Tell her she can have as much time as she needs to think, but ask her not to let it go on too long purely out of fairness to you (as in, you don't want to wait around 6 months only to be told it's totally over).
Good luck, hope it works out xx
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (3 June 2009):
 Think of this for a moment. Where do most feelings come from? (1) The desire to be loved, (2) The fear of loosing love.
Your contacting her all the time is pushing her away. Think of it from her side, "If he can't respect my time, he doesn't respect me." Life can be extremely difficult, trying to maintain a positive relationship can be as well. Especially when trying to become employed, and outside influences attacking in every direction.
It's hard, but you're going to have to get up, get your job, and start moving your life in a positive direction. Sitting around and not doing anything will keep her away more than it will cause her to come back. Would you really want her to come back where she's entering into the same stress she left? Get a job, start a positive direction, eliminate some of the stresses that caused strain, then it would be a better place to invite her to come back to.
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