| A
male
,
*.
writes: Ok, my girlfriend moved in with me b/c she had problems at home. We lived in a hotel 1-2 months until i found an apartment. She was still in school, I graduated the year before to give you an idea of age. We were so happy to be together and did many fun things. Finally got the apartment and eventually my mother needed to move in b/c she needed help as well my g/f's nephew over time. We started arguing more and more, and she developed a very Short temper. I also became very protective and jealous for i have no idea what reason. She didn't give me any reason to be. Very faithful girl she is. Over time it kept going down hill and down hill as i didnt' feel like going anywhere or doing many things. I had to quit my job b/c the company was committing fraud and i didn't want part of it when I found out. She was in charge of paying for 2/3 of the rent now as I tried to find another job. Complained how she was so tired of going to school and work then coming home(had no time to do fun things). This was going on for about a month. Her temper got worse and my protectiveness got worse also. I think b/c I thought I was gonna lose her. Now she wants to take a break. I cried and moaned. She says she just needs to experience the things she's missed out on. She tells me she wants and hopes we get back together one day. I am very very upset and sad over this. But I agreed that I think she needs a break too. At the same time i still tear up, and ask her to stay then change my mind. She's going for sure I know for a fact tomorrow (back with her sister or her friend). [[[My question]]] is for guys or girls. I want to know if losing activeness and romanticism (if that's a word) happened to anybody else and wonder why. Also, what do you think the chances of her coming back to this relationship are? She says im overprotective, what can I do to fix that? What should I do while we're apart? Her family loves me for not mentioned reasons, in case you think they hate me for taking her in. Plz Help TyVm ,J.
View related questions:
a break, get back together, jealous, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (2 December 2005):
 From the way you describe things, it's sounds like she jumped right out of high school into Real Life Adulthood in a matter of months, with the result that she was disappointed and disillusioned about how rough things were.
Fair enough, too. You describe what was formerly your romantic love nest turning rapidly into the extended family's home, after your mum and her nephew moved in. Then when you couldn't contribute as much to expenses, the reality of being the breadwinner (at what, about 18 or so?) crashed in on her. That's a lot for a very young adult to be responsible for. The short temper, the arguments... I can understand it.
You probably saw what was happening to her spirit as the pressure started to affect her, which is why you probably were afraid that she'd leave and why you got so possessive of her. Unfortunately, that would probably have aggravated her need to get away from everything.
It's not that hard to understand her point of view. At an age when all of her friends are mostly still living at home with mum and dad, partying away their Saturday nights and working for little more than pizza money, your girlfriend and you were supporting yourselves and others, and making the rent. It's not too surprising that she feels she's missed out on her share of youthful fun.
The only thing that you can do is to allow her to have her space and to experience whatever the she wants to. She'll return when and if she decides to. A person's late teens to their mid-20s are a time of tremendous personal growth, and the young woman who moved in with you will change into someone else in the next few years. That new person may still see the attraction that she had for you at age 17 or 18... or she may not. Unfortunately, it isn't something you can force.
Congratulations for being strong enough to let your girlfriend mature on her own terms, however she has to do it. Try to be a friend, and let her know where you are so she can stay in touch... but I don't think it would be wise to assume that she's coming back.
If she does, resist the temptation to move back in together straightaway, since she's already had a bad experience with that. Try to recapture the frivolity and fun, and keep things light for a while.
And see other people, have fun and carry on yourself, just as your girlfriend is doing. One of the most attractive things you can be is genuinely happy with your life!
Hope this is some help.
|
