A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am totally confused and I am afraid I am going to make mistakes and we all know you get older not younger. At the end of the year, I had my heart torn out by a girl I was completely in love with and ready to marry. I was really hurt and wasn't myself for several months. Finally, I started coming out of the cave I had put myself into over being so hurt. Then a few months a go I met, what would potentially be described as the "perfect" girl. She treats me wonderfully, I know I can trust her, and she is also attractive but still sweet. I told her she could date other people, but she said she is happy with me and doesn't want to date other people, even though I am not her boyfriend and she knows I am not ready for a serious relationship. She finally told me how some things were bothering her and how other people tell her that she is going to get hurt and to move on, but she wanted to know from me if I wanted her to go away, or stay with me and wait for me. I didn't know what to say and ended up telling her that I do care for her and I don't want her to give up on me, but I can't get my ex out of my head. Furthermore, she asked if my ex wanted me back what I would do, and I told I would consider it, I can't help that I am still have feelings for her. But she maybe right that I do it to myself, for one thing almost everyday, I check to see if there is anything new with my ex, because I just can't stop wondering what she is doing. I do care for the new girl, but at the same time I just can't stop thinking about my ex and maybe I am just waiting for her to come back to me and be ready to settle down. But, will a second chance work, or will I lose the girl I should be with. I am just not sure what to do, or how to get over my ex. I am just not sure what to do, but I haven't let go of the new girl because I do care for her, we have future dated plans, she is SO good to me, and I know if I lose her I won't stand a chance of getting her back.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): Okay, I am a woman and looking by at the last entry I by a guy who says "immature." You obviously can't tell a difference in a woman that is mature and immature. Really, if the "new girl" was immature she nag him all the time about being his girlfriend, from what I gather she is simply asking if they are moving forward in that direction, or not. My question would be why is she asking if you are moving forward, are you giving her the impression or hints that make her think you never want to go that direction, or feeling used? To me, being a women, it sounds like the "new girl's" heart is with you, but you have to decided if you want it or not. I think she will stick with you if she has this far, but she could find something else if you make her feel that you are not interest or willing to eventually commit. It sounds to me like you are both on the same page, but having trouble communicating that to each other. With the ex I totally agree that you need to stop checking on her and walk away anytime someone brings up what she is doing with her life. If you remove yourself from her you may stand a chance to see the other things around you, even if it isn't your "new girl." But, if your ex finds out that you have a "new girl" and your friends like her, she may get jealous and change her mind, or if she gets dumped she may change her mind. Always be careful going back to someone you had been with, you won't forget what happened and how it hurt, and they maybe coming back for the wrong reasons, and will also remember why she left in the first place. If you say it is was perfect, I wonder if really she had issues she never told you and was honestly never that interested, so I really think hard on taking her back. I have known individuals to re-date and I did re-date to, but honestly the chances of it working isn't that great and you just waste more of your time, that we all know goes by fast.Good luck with your decision, but always remember it is your decision, but it is good to listen to what other say, and I know at times we take it to heart, but ultimately we have to listen to our own hearts!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): My ex left me because I wanted to get more serious with the relationship and she didn't. In my mind we had a perfect relationship, we never fought or had any issues, and that is why it catch me completely off guard. And, yes she has moved on and is dating someone else. I did always treat her right and honest I really feel I treated her better than the new person I am dating. But, that is because we are dating and I am trying just to take it slow. I was with my ex almost 2 years. Yes, they are both women and the person I am dating is mature, but I am not totally sure why she is sticking around, except I did ask her not to give up on me, or maybe it is because we have a few small trips planned over the next few months. Or it could because she really does care, her comment to me was she really cared about me and that I was almost everything she was looking for and felt I was worth waiting for. But I am sure she is re-thinking that now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): You keep calling them girls, but I hope you mean women. Anyway, I had a similar situation and it turns out the ex I wanted so badly, would not have been right for me. I didn't realize this until after I met someone great. The point is, I don't think waiting for your ex would be good for you. It has been several months since your break-up and I think you need to do your best to not think about your ex. For example, stop checking to see what is new with her. If you find yourself thinking about her, call a friend, go running, do anything to get yourself to not dwell on her! It will be hard, but you have to move on! Only you know if you should try to see where things will go with the 'new girl'. But so far, you haven't been treating her all that great, and I have to wonder why she would stick around for someone who made it clear he is not her boyfriend. Is it possible that she is not very mature? You should also consider that maybe neither one of these women is right for you.
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (7 July 2008):
 Don't expect to live a life without making mistakes. I think you may be seeing this a bit the wrong way. I feel as if you're the good guy here, as if that you're not the one who lost your ex, she's the one who loosed you.
You can't live a life thinking only about the past. You need to focus on your future. There's a reason why she left you, she didn't see a future with you.
Maybe she did a mistake but you can't live your life saving yourself for her again. Think about you, think about your new girl.
Past is behind you, future is ahead. Do you want to go backwards or do you want to move forward?
What's left of your life is in front of you not behind.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): this is a difficult one. HOw long were you with your ex-girlfriend for and why did you two split up?
A bit more detail then maybe i can help you x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): Why did your ex leave you in the first place? Did you do something to her or treat her in a way that you cannot forgive yourself for? Did you ever apologize for how you treated her? Because she might not be over you either, but are you doing everything you possibly can to make things right? Do you live in the same area or call her? Who cares if someone is attractive and sweet, I'm sure your ex was too. People always seem perfect at the beginning. And it just wouldn't be fair if you treat the next girl better than you did your ex. I'm sure your ex left you not to hurt you but for a very good reason. I'm sure your ex is moving on too or at least trying to. Couples don't work out if someone is disrespectful in a relationship, if that was the case in yours. And I'm sure your ex would have stayed sweet if you treated her with complete respect.
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