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male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: please help me on this...It is a long story, but I get to the point quick. I was with my partner for 2 years, on thoes early months things were great. I really thought she is the one for me, I loved her, cared for her, and went beyond my ways to always put her and her needs first. I started to realize that she really don't care for me as much as I really thought she has. Her prime objectives always has been work, her job, her career, of course nothing wrong with that to the moderation but it was effecting us. I felt I am left alone in this relationship, it was one situation which I needed a financial help, (nothing big) but she totally ignored me, like she hasn't heard it, like she never wanted to know my problems even though she could help me easily. she didn't even talked about it!!!!That day somthing has changed inside me, I am not at all a money oriented person, and I spent alot without asking anything back and have been very generous. but I kind of felt that if one day I need any help at all, she will not stand by me. that is the worse feelings of all that I can express here. Is it not really supose to be for better and worse?, I helped her many times, why should she ignore me like that?anyway the problem was not just this, it was much deeper, she was so self centred, and all she can think of is herself and her future and I really didn't feel part of that future, because she never gave me that feeling.I felt I am used like a tool, I felt that I was just a stepping stone for her to achieve what she wanted.anyway she then started being abusive to me, picking up fight and swearing at my family and friends and later I find out she even has started to look for other guys on the internet.!!!!We got separated, but it was so hard for me, because despite all of that I really loved her deep inside,I know it might sound crazy. I couldn't believe she could do this to me, she never told me this is over, she never told me what is her problem, she was just so rational about it. The whole thing for me is just like a dream, I feel I have been used, I feel hate and love all in one package. I can't believe anyone ever can be like that, so cold hearted, it was like we never had anything together!!. NO feelings, no expression of love, no nothing from her side.I just left with this feelings, and memories, I don't know how to cope with it? I don't know if I should ever try to win her back? I don't know if I should really move on and never look back again?The choice is mine, I can move on if I want to, it is not going to be eay, but I say to myself what about all these times and love and commitments that I gave to her and this relationship?.and what am i going to do with these feelings? please give me your advice, thanks very much
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): In short, I went through something similar. At the end of our relationship, I had a talk with my closest friends that I felt I had commitments, that I should protect her despite our falling out, that I want to be there to help her train for so and so, and see her through to make sure gets the best before something better comes along. My friends told me that there is not lingering reason for me to follow through in any of those emotional obligations since she has caused quite a bit of emotional harm towards me. She does not deserve anything I wish to give her.
For the first two weeks, I felt like I just wanted to go back to her and try to make things right, but after 4 weeks passed, I sat down on a bench late in the night for hours until the sun rose up and came to a conclusion that if I go back to her, more emotional abuse will just happen, more heartbreaks, more torment will be caused, and in the end, the cycle will repeat itself.
What do you think?
A
female
reader, Reebe  +, writes (15 January 2007):
 You want and need someone in your life that will love and support you, like you do with them. Any relationship is about give and take and to be honest this woman sounds all take, and not willing to give anything back. I know you still feel like you love this woman but maybe you are in love with the woman she used to be when you first got together? or your in love with the idea of her - if only you could change her. But you can never change anyone and unless they want to change you will just continue to feel these feelings and she will continue to be abusive to you and you family.
I think you shoud just move on and try and put this woman down to experience and find some one who will give you the respect you deserve.
Good Luck
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