A
male
age
30-35,
*ggy
writes:Rightt here we go agaaainTheres this girl I've beeen speakin to on msn for about 2 months now, and were always on and off, like I think we both like each other but it's never as simple as that, there is Always something in the way, another boy/girl or...Ok relapse, from the beggining when we first started speakin we did both like each other (but I did'nt find this out till it was too late), I mean i had a rough idea but there was another guy in the equation, and in her case another girl in mine, but to be honest i think we used them both to make each other jealous and we were both too stuborn to admit to it, but anyway we ended up taking it to the extreme and I started seeing this girl out of spite cause I was jealous of the guy she was talking to, but when I finally confronted her about it she basically turned it all around, and to be honest I could see it from her point of view but I still think she spun it a bit.So a few weeks later i stopped seeing this girl, for her, I told her that and she seemed to appreciate it, and for the next week is was the closest week we had together we literally spent all our time talking to eachother and i felt that it was obvious we both liked eachother, but then out of the blue i found out she was seein the guy that had basically caused the whole carry on between us, and it goes without saying i reacted badly, i asked her about it and why she kept it quiet and she simply said "I didn't think it mattered" and I felt sooooo screwed over and to be honest p*ssed off, i jumped straight in and had a go, about and asked her about this week, and did it mean nothing, she was even saying love u on the phone, she simply replied "I say it to all my friends" and so i asked what about coming to see me on sunday she said "I thought u meant as friends" and what really angered me was that she knew fine i liked her this time, and I don't know if she did it to get back at me or what but anyway, we stopeed speaking basically for 2 weeks.Soo 3 nights ago, she comes on msn, drunk and starts pouring all this shite out, to start with i ignored it, and then she said "do u not love me anymore" and she kept saying sorryy for everything, and she said it would happen never again, i know she was sorta drunk, but drunken minds speak sober hearts right ?? Well that was what i confided in anyway, and also the next day she remembered sayin it and didn't take it back, So am i supposed to take it seriously or not ?Sooo now here I am back to where i was roughly 2 months ago wondering what the hell to do, should i just stay away from her? Or should I take my chances and go throught with it ? But whats stopping me is how horrible it feels when it doesn't work out, its happened twice and to be honest I don't think i could take it a third time, and if I do go through with it, how do I tell her how I feel without putting her off and ruining it, cause when I said it once she just didn't seem to take it seriously, she's very dense and seems to keep how she feels to herself, and when she does let it out its very little and seems forced, infact i could honestly say that night when she came home drunk was the most i have ever got out of her about how she feels about me.SOOO HELP PLEAAASE =O ??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): I've been reading the online dating section of dearcupid each day for a couple months now, and finally found a post I feel I can relate to, and thus, obligated to respond to.
Satindesire has really hit the nail on the head, matey.
I've been going through similar rubbish, and as you know, it sucks. It screws with your head and ultimately turns your emotions inside out.
My "girl" (feels wrong even calling her that), was already in an emotionally abusive online relationship for a long time. She fell for what she thought, was a great guy who could give her the love and support she honestly did deserve. A very long story short - she was scared of being alone. She suffered from health issues, and wasn't a social person outside her house. She was under the delusion that he was her only chance at happiness (bear in mind she was only 18) - until we met.
She told me on night he had manipulated her into making herself skinny by throwing up her meals, and had bullied her into staying with him to the point where she would cut herself.
Despite all this and more - I fell for her, hard and fast. She was a breath of fresh air and we made eachother happy. While we were together she stopped cutting, stopped calling herself fat and ugly - she was starting to like herself.
The problem was, she couldn't leave her abusive "boyfriend". He would lie about being in love with her, tell her to kill herself, and talk shit about me non-stop. Simply put, he was the most childish bloke I had ever met. Yet, she refused to tell him she loved me, and not him. She refused to cut contact. And whenever she "tried", all it took was a little whining on his part and a play on words for her to go back to him. This is all just the tip of the iceberg.
Anyway, I couldn't take her constantly lying to me about them both. Couldn't forgive her any more. So I cut contact, and I'm a better man for it.
She's still with him, and they're probably moving into her parents house together one day.
So now I'm with someone in the real world again. Someone who doesn't lie when she tells me she loves me. She doesn't waste my time with mind games, and most importantly, she's honest as hell. Someone I could see myself growing old with.
Don't let this childish girl do this to you. I know you probably don't feel strong enough to cut contact with her for good, but you can. It IS that easy. You'll meet someone else and be so much happier down the road, take my word for it. It may not happen the day you forget her, but it will happen.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (6 May 2009):
 If you want something badly enough then sometimes you need to take risks. You are both young and everything that happens (especially re lovelife) seems major and hey that's okay, it's called growing up. Don't read too much into her ending her phone call with "love you". She's not saying she's IN love with you, it's merely a sweet saying to end the conversation and lots of girls say it to their female friends as well.
You are both at the same stage now. NO ONE on the go! You should put your cards on the table with her the next time she comes on MSN. Let her know you want to be honest with her and start again and that you'd love to take her out on a date and see how things go. Then leave the ball in her court to make a decision.
~Eve~
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A
male
reader, Oggy +, writes (6 May 2009):
Oggy is verified as being by the original poster of the question "Satindesire" thank u again for ur comment :).
I can understand completely where your coming from, but yours is a far more serious sitituation, and I'm sorry you had to go through that, I just think that, we aren't married or nothing so why do I keep making such a big deal out of it ? And u had a far more than relevant reason to walk away, what excuse do I have, I was jealous ? It sounds stupid lol.
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A
male
reader, Oggy +, writes (6 May 2009):
Oggy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes "q1605" we have been in the same room, i know im young but c'mon ? lol, So I would chill out a bit before u start jumping to conclusions.
As for "Lina319" I appreciate ur perspective on this, and ur advice, and I have took it into consideration :), but of course the relationship is kiddy, we are 16 lol, we act like every issue (relationship wise, and for the record probably alot of other things to) is the end of the world, but it's only cause its our first time to encounter such sitituations, therefore probably take them far too serious, but it's only when we can look back in rhetrospect, we chuckle to ourselves and think how petty these things really were, until then I'll be moaning and groaning over the little things :), hence the phrase "Young and Dumb"
"Satindesire" I too appreciate ur comment :), but nothings that easy.
As for the "anonymous reader" I considered ur comment the most helpful (nothin personal guys), probably just because u can relate ? and ur probably more around my age group, u should sign up :), add me if u get round to it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): OMG DUDE I JUST WENT THROUGH THIS EXACT SAME SHIT! leave her now because she is confused/scared/ wont commit and will not want to give up her freedom so young, and you will only continute to get further hurt. How do i know? because i am going through your exact situation as we speak .. minus the "other guys" because thy have already come and gone.. and now im thinking there is "a new guy" in the picture. The reason this happens is because me and you are not close to our girls.. as in living close enough to see them and have something stable with them. LONG DISTANCE DOES NOT WORK. I AM LITTERELY LOOSING SLEEP OVER MY SITUATION, ITS EXACTLY THE SAME AS YOURS. The thing that pisses me of is why they lie to us and say they love us and we are the one but yet here they are HOOKING UP WITH OTHER GUYS! ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY SAY I LOVE YOU OVER THE PHONE AND IN PERSON. I mean wtf???? Yeah we may not be in a committed relationship.. but you don't say those things and then go and do the opposite... you get what im saying? Im same boat as you dude.. she has done this twice to me before (and i dont think they mean to do it purposely because they know that there is no commitment so they think its fine...when really its not.. not when you say things like you love each other and want to be with each other) anyway i dont want to go through this again.. for the third time, just like you. My advice is to ditch her and find someone who wont mess you around .. remember its there loss not yours.
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A
female
reader, Lina319  +, writes (6 May 2009):
 Ummm wow... honestly I think this relationship is just kiddy. For one, you two have only been speaking for 2 months and she loves you? Love doesn't happen in two months, and in that short time frame consist of so many problems and feelings of uneasiness and confusion.
She does not love you, because if she did, there would be no other guys, and it wouldnt take her to be piss drunk to open up her heart and let you in, that should come naturally without the influence of alcohol to make it easier.
I think she is just playing games, and she is doing so because you allow her to by sticking around. Have a little more respect for yourself, some dignity, and let her go. If you are really looking to get serious with someone, then find a worthy girl, not one that tries to get a rise out of you by mentioning all the guys she dates.
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