A
female
age
30-35,
*92
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for six years since high school. We went to the same uni, however I'm a med student so I'm doing my placement near my uni (Cambridge), my boyfriend has graduated already and he's back in London, we're finding it difficult to carry this relationship on. The distance is putting a strain in our relationship, and he's being quite paranoid and insecure. I've talked to him about it but there is still no change. What do I do?(P.S. We see each other once a week)
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 December 2012):
 He's probably picking up on the fact that the relationship has run it's course and you are ready to move on.
You just haven't made that move yet.
I'll be honest if you are 21 and have been with him 6 years that's a long time at your age and you've been with him since you were 15 (or even younger)
I can assure you that what you want at 15 is not what you want at 21 and what you want at 21 is often not what you want at 30.
If he's being that difficult with the distance (and if you see each other weekly it's not that bad) then it may be time to "take a break" as you say. It will probably in the long run become permanent and you now have to decide if you want to drag it out and "take a break" or see other people.... or you can just make the break clean.
A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (26 December 2012):
 Your welcome :) if thats how your feeling then maybe it is. Your starting a whole new life, sometimes when things like this happen relationships die a natural death, sadly. Have your feelings for him changed as well?
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A
female
reader, T92 +, writes (26 December 2012):
T92 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks Darrell but it's got to the point that I'm feeling a bit weighed down by the relationship. I think it may be time for a much needed break ... =/
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (23 December 2012):
Well I think you have obviously been together a long time, we can therefore safely presume that your relationship has been a constant throughout that period and now that constant has been disrupted by quite a sudden and dramatic change. Its not surprising when this happens that one (or sometimes both) partners start to feel insecure, its a natural response to the change. I think therefore you need to be as understanding as you possibly can, id also imagine you are seeing alot less of each other than you were and obviously that wont change while you remain in such separate locations. When you talk to him you need to be understanding and reassuring. Intitally, I think it might be a good idea to talk as often as you can on the phone, online etc. Gradually you will be able to cut down on that as your partner adjusts to the change and adapts. Reinforce your arguments with rational points. After all, you have been together a long time, and reassure him how you feel hasnt changed. These arguments on their own wont be enough though, although there is a rational kernel to what he is feeling (the shock brought on by the sudden change in circumstances), insecurity and fear can also behave in a very irrational manner. Try not to lose your temper or be irritated by his behaviour (although he may push you to that point, that indicates he is subconsciously trying to push you away) and remain the calm, stabalising force you can be. Also, as well as reassuring him, try to get him to vocalise his fears, and deal with them head on, him expressing them will help. I think the onus is on you here to take the lead as the somewhat dominant partner (by the looks of it) and sooth his fears.
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