A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Help me!! my ex is claiming to be pregnant with my baby! ok to fill you in on whats happened so far: me and my girlfriend broke up after nearly a year together. we argued alot before we broke up and she was becoming way to clingy and didnt trust me (checking my emails and text meessages and getting angry if i had spoken to someone other then her). im alos having alot of family problems and decided to end the relationship. my girlfriend didnt take it well (as i expected) and tried everything to get back with me. 2 weeks after the break up she claimed she was pregnant. we spoke alot and decided to meet up and talk face to face. all she did was try and get back with me and i ended up breaking down (by this time the family problems had built up alot and i wasnt coping well) because she knew and would say things to upset me to try and get us to connect again! it sounds weird but trust me this isnt just me, even her mum has said she needs help! anyway she then told me she was going to have an abortion only if i would get back with her. i said no i wouldnt but id obviously be there to help her etc etc. anyway she claimed to 'miss' the appointment and had re-booked one about 2 days later. she then said she had had it done and felt bad. i comforted her and tried to help as best as i could. i then found out she was planning on telling my younger sister (who is 15) everything that was going on in my family (which my sister doesnt know-i have tried to keep her out of it) and threatening to 'destroy' me. naturally i got angry and confrounted her about it. i got no reply and then got told that she had written me a letter explaining everything. i read it and all it just outlind how much of a 'w****r' i am etc. now she is claiming she never had the abortion and is having regular checkups and is saying i have no choice but to be part of her life.im asking now for help in what to do. im only 17 and she is 16. i have no evidence she is pregnant and she used to claim she was when ever we had a fight to get us talking again but i now dont know if she is really pregnant or not, and why she is having the baby if she is. the main thing is we havent had unprotected sex! but she says she will send me pictures of the scan. i want nothing to do with her or the baby and have told her this over and over again. make of this what you will, im not here for a lecture: my thought is that she is having the baby to destroy me and force us back together or she is lieing to make me panic and destroy me.where do i stand and what can i do? i cant have a baby im to young, she is too young and i have got my life planned and in place. my dad and step mum who i live with will not let me live with them if i am a dad (and they have told me that to my face) and my ex's mum will come after me to be an involved parent.like i said im not here for a lecture, all i want to know is what can i do. im in the process of getting an injuction against my ex as she is harrasing me, not to talk, just to annoy and shout at me and ive had enoughsorry for the long question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionu guys where right, it was fake! she calimed to have a miscarriage last week. whats even weirder is she blaimed my best mate because he has an msn conversation with her!! she should get the message now sh knows i wont talk to her so she sends people to talk for her. its got so bad that i have people come into my workplace and pretend to talk business with me when infact there crying for help while my ex tries to get back with me. she says we need to sort this out once and for all. i have passed on a message to go away and let me live my life. ont the plus side i wot be living here much longer!! but my ex has created more enemys then firends, her mates cant stand to be around her and people want nothing to do with her, even my mum said she cant stand the woman!
in answer to the last post:
uve got a psyco on ur hands. the best thing to do is ignor her completely. basicly she is a spoilt kid that has had her toy taken away (i.e you) and is throwing a tantrum to get it back. just ignor it and she will go away. the more she knows it gets to you, the more she will do it.
restraining orders are the final part of a process. you have to start with an injuction, which will only progess if the other party breaches it. an injunction is similar to a restaining order but it isnt as serious. while it can prevent verbal contact, other people may get involved and she can still use email, txt anf follow you around and stuff. easyest thing is get an injunction, record every time you feel it has been breached and take it to court, if the judge go in your favor, a restraining order is put in place. this prevents all contact, bot only with her, but other parties (her parents, mates etc). hope this helps
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2007): It's like reading about me...my ex girls the same..only 5 months latr she is stil verbally abusing me and my mother...my mother has done fuck all to her as well... she trys to contacts me anyway possibles.. shes talks to my friends she knows everything i do, everywhere i go, and everyone i sleep with! ive looked into restraining orders and the lot... im actually starting to get scared of her, and there seems to be nothing I can do about it...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2007): hi there love, no way is that girl pregnant,just get on with your life and forget her,it wont be long before she does this to somebody else,good luck with your future.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiono and thanks again for all you help guys!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell alot has happened since a posted this. firstly i just wana thank everyone for the advice, it has been really helpful to me. just to update you on the situation, my ex got one of her mates to phone my house phone to talk to me, my step mum answererd and all hell broke loose. my parents are now ready to get the law involved but dont know abput the 'pregnancy'. i havent spoken to my ex although she has claimed to have had another 3 'suicide' attempts. i still have no evidence that she is pregnant, she claims to have done 2 pregnancy tests which i havent seen but she did it round a friends house, who claims she was nenver their! i have also heard roumers that she is using the baby to get money (or the lack of) out of me/to get back at me. she is also claiming to have weekley scans and that it is now twins! she has also told me twice it is too late for an abortion yet still wants to 'discuss' the idea. as far as i know she has only told a few people she is pregnant, so neither set of parents know. i have told my sister everything which has created problems but at least she heard it from me.
she has said she would have an abortion and told me she went to have one but they were full then went and had another apointment, both of which turned out to be a lie 'to see what my reaction was'. i have also found out she did have some 'intermate' contact with another guy (who is engaged and has a 1 yr old but we wont go into that!) but no sex. this i sreally starting to bug me as although i know i have a responsability as the 'potential father', but i cant support my self, let alone a child. ive become less sure of her pregnancy since she said it was twins (which i got told yesterday) yet she is claiming she was told it was too late for an abortion. now i dont know how these things work, but surly you can tell if a baby is going to be twins before it is too late for abortion?
i havent taken out an injunction/restraining order against her but with my parents ready to do whatever it takes to keep her away, i might not have control over it for much longer. she does know what they are prepared to do, but seems to think its all a game
one thing that is probably important to mention and goes back to the pregnancy thing, she hasent got any bigger, she claims to want the baby but will have an abortion 'to make me happy' (her words no mine) yet is smoking about 1 a day and is drinking heavily at least once a week, which has put doubt into my mind.
any more thoughts?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2007): She probably is lieing about being pregnant, as a matter of fact, I almost garantee she's lieing about the whole pregnancy thing. Just avoid and ignore her. If she really is pregnant, you'll find out in 9 months or so, and then get a dna test done. If she is pregnant, don't sign the birth cert. until you get a dna test because even if you're not the dad & you sign that birth cert. you're responsible for 18 yrs. for that child. I would just try to relax, don't go crazy..She is psycho & trying to control you with her mind. She isn't pregnant if you used protection. And you said she always said that she was pregnant in the past to try to keep you. So just ignore her & get the restraining order. But you should talk to your parents about what she's doing & explain that you didn't have unprotected sex & you know she's lieing about being pregnant to try & trap you. They are adults & I am sure they will understand & believe you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2007): Easy does it here, this girl is acting pretty crazy so I agree with Dr. Pete that you may want to rethink the injunction and work on getting her to calm down so that you can find out the facts about whether she is pregnant, and then be there with her for an abortion if necessary. If that means acting like you are back together - that doesn't sound fun, but you could go along with it and explain you aren't super affectionate right now because you are freaked out. Once you find out if she is pregnant/if she gets an abortion, you can break up with her - and get the injunction then if necessary! If she decides to keep the baby, you can still break up with her at that point - but will have to do whatever is legally required for a father (that doesn't mean moving in with her, marrying her, etc., that means child support). Of course it is also possible that she is pregnant but you aren't the father - so if she decides to have the baby make sure you get a paternity test.
Seems like you would have already done this if possible, but just in case - is there anyone else who would know if she really is pregnant?? Her mother??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007): Hi there
You could be right: she just tells you, she is pregnant to get you back. How do you know, she is pregnant or not? How do you know the pictures are of the baby in her belly? She could show you any picture... I wouldn't be too sure about all she is saying! Fact is she wants you back and is not afraid of anything except of loosing you. But she hasn't got you, so she can't loose you!
The only thing you can do is: don't talk to her anymore. Break it off totaly. Show her that you have no interest in her and her getting-you-back-what-ever-it-costs. But have a good look, she can not get involved with you sister. If she tries to tell your sister everything about your family, make sure your sister will not get to know it first from her and warn your sister about her! Tell your sister what is going on with her and that she tries to destroy you.
If your ex really is pregnant, then it is not at all up to you if she will get ride of the baby or keep it. That is her decision. But if she is pregnant, make sure i YOU are the fahter or NOT. Make a paternity test. How do you know, she did not have unprotected sex with someone else to have a baby and get you back?
But if you are the father of her child, you will have some responsabilities you can not steal away from. You will have to pay for the child and you are not in the right to blame her for this. She is the mother and it's her decsision to have the baby or not. And YOU had sex with her - even if it was protected, YOU had your fun as well and the baby is the result of it now. You can not only just plan your life as you want and have fun as you want. You also have to lern that there are consequencis and you need to learn to live with them.
So now, that is a lecture in the end... But I had to tell you this!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007): Hi there
You could be right: she just tells you, she is pregnant to get you back. How do you know, she is pregnant or not? How do you know the pictures are of the baby in her belly? She could show you any picture... I wouldn't be too sure about all she is saying! Fact is she wants you back and is not afraid of anything except of loosing you. But she hasn't got you, so she can't loose you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007): Mate, if she has a baby then there is nothing you can do about it - you don't stand anywhere other than having to be a father!
Obviously though there are circumstances here which make it seem that she may be saying it to try and keep you. I think what you do all depends on how sure you are that she could be pregnant. Giving this advice, I'm assuming she is OK with having an abortion, so if there is any chance she is pregnant the best thing you can do is to go along with whatever she says and be with her for the abortion so that you can know for sure that she has had it done. That is the only way you are going to be sure that she is no longer pregnant and then you can properly move on from her.
If you keep fighting with her then you'll not know if she is pregnant until it is too late for her to have an abortion so I think you are really going about this the wrong way getting an injunction against her!!
For your own sake you need to be 100% sure she is not pregnant before doing any drastic action like that. And if it turns out she is not pregnant, or she does have an abortion, consider yourself lucky you escaped her.
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