A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i need help please...long story short,there is this girl(my second cousin to be precise) with whom i came close to for a while...we shared everythng, talked day and night, laughed at the world etc. she was sensible and understanding, but even more caring than that. she initiated everything right from the beginning and was quite excited about the relationship. it was a LDR and we meet twice in a year and share more than friends kinda thing. In this while, she said we love each other and kissed on phone and talked about how we will spend the day next time we meet. but then something undesirable happened, her dad came to know that she is involved with me and stuff by looking at her phone bill, so her parents were mad at her and took away her phone from her. well, things cooled down a bit and she started to talk to me again whenever she got a chance. As about her detailed inner feelings, she wants me in her life as a little bit of lover but more of a buddy. i understand that and i am fine with that, even i am not looking forward to any long term relationship with her as also its not practical we know. but we had an argument over it yeaterday and we hung up the phone telling that we wont call each other ever again. i will describe how things went on, i asked her about her feelings for me(how stupid of me again!!) she said she wants to be with me and cares about this relationship even more than me and it hurts her even more to hurt me when she acts cold or talks about her bf with me(yes she has one and she observes that i dont like it), and she does that because she wants me to realise that we can only be buddies! then i get mad her yelling like she has ditched me and used me. i told her that if she feels tied to me or becomes insecure when i show concern or closure, she can leave. she says she feels uncomfortable when i talk about her feelings for me and that i should remove every single bit of feeling for her inside me. she said that she realised that she did a mistake by getting attached to me after when her parents scolded her and she came to her senses that she has a bf already..this again pissed me off and i told her to **** off...this really bothered her and she called me a couple of times to explain things but i was still very rude. then at night she called me again and told me that she wont contact me again..and its all quiet today...well i understand the things and i dont expect anything out of this, but how can she take the control of the situation and manipulate things. everything is messed up and unresolved, but she maintained her cool and tried to explain me in this while. she was missing me and called to kiss me over the phone a few days after her dad scolded her which really confuses me. i have thought about three things, give it some time, call her and resolve it(but the tension in the relation will not go away), or just leave her! please dont give typical answers like she is your cousin and all..i am not marrying her but my dignity is hurt when she is asking me to get detached. she thinks she can still have all the care and attention from me but wont have to love me? because she knows she can have me anytime?? please advice...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, the_phoenic +, writes (13 February 2011):
The answer is leave her for good
It sound that she suffers from personality disorders
Due to a troubled childhood
You'd better know that she well run after you but not because she loves
But simply because she loves the attention you are giving her so be aware
Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): Im not going to give you the normal: shes your cousin answer.But she has a boyfriend and if she cant understand how it makes you feel when she says she loves you and then goes on about her boyfriend and how used it makes you feel I hate to say it but I really do not understand how she can expect you to be calm about it and still be as caring for her. Shes really not worth it in my opinion
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): Why are you wasting your time on a LDR that could never work out anyway? I say, tell her your done, but that maybe someday you can be friends. Maybe you can. Put your efforts into finding someone who is local who's fun and ready to love you everyday, in everyway. Even if you aren't looking for Mrs. Right, The relationship you describe seems toxic.
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