A
male
age
41-50,
*ncemor
writes:Just a quick sum up before my issue. It may just be that, MY issue. I have been dating a great gal for about 5 months now. She has great morals and values and our plans seem to line up. There just one thing I can't seem to get around. She talks about her ex's a lot, intimately. This isn't something that would normally bother me, but she talks about things that she's done with them that she says she feels uncomfortable doing with me. Am I just being a dumb guy, or should this really bother me? I have always kept my past relationships out of ours, thinking that it's insulting to her if I brought them up. I don't want to appear controlling, but I really feel like I'm the second choice here. Any advice will help. Moderator's note: Please elaborate on: "things that she's done with them that she says she feels uncomfortable doing with me". Thank you.
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male
reader, a_decent_1  +, writes (17 December 2008):
 Look brother,
There is something really wrong with her.. !! Nobody likes to talk about their sexual past with their partners.. !! She keeps on telling you all these things that would make you anything but jealous and disgusted.. !! I think she has a psychological problem and needs a doctor.. !!
You are correct in not sharing your sexual part.. You just should not.. Some things are just better unsaid in a relation.. !!
G'day
A
male
reader, Oncemor +, writes (16 December 2008):
Oncemor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply. We have not slept together yet. Physically, all we have done is kiss for periods. I have tried to progress our physical relationship but each time she stops my hand or tells me to stop. This fact that we're taking things slow does not bother me... ok, it doesn't bother me a lot. It's that she talks frequently (once per time I see her) about what she has done in the past. She's given head, she's read books on how to be good at it, she's talked about using food play with her ex's, how they would go down on her, how she's dressed sexy for them, just a wide range of sexual experiences, far too many to continue listing. When I make an advancement, or even mention clothes removal, she says that she won't do those things with me unless we were married. She's a christian, has been her whole life. So her beliefs of waiting are not anything new. Only difference I see is that "it's me". I have been with other women sexually, but I don't talk about those experiences with her.
Don't get my post wrong, I'm fine with waiting for her, I'm just bothered that she talks about these things so often as if she's "waving a carrot" in front of the horse. Thanks for your comment decent, unfortunately I have no leverage, we kiss, that's it. Thanks for your posts all.
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A
male
reader, a_decent_1 +, writes (16 December 2008):
Please Pay attension to the Moderator's note below your post. Thanx
Now coming to you - "It MUST bother you" , or you would be abnormal.. !! Nobody is comfortable with a girl he loves talking about how she had sex with her Ex and how difficult it is.. !!
I'll advice to to Stop any sexual activity for about 3 months.. !! If she asks why are you not having sex, you can tell her because she said she was uncomfortable... !!
That would make her understand and you won't need to be harsh.. !! You would instead be caring.. !! ;-)
G'day
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