A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a fiance that everytime I bring something up all she talks about is her male "friends" and how great they are and then if I once talk about a co-worker she gets all upset and says I am not allowed to talk to any women. I am beginning to think that she is cheating on me as she has lied to me about several things. Not sure what I should do because everytime I try to bring it up she yells at me says that I am causing her anxiety to act up.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): Wow. Something doesn't sound right here. Did she actually say or start yelling that you aren't allowed to talk to other women or are you just blowing that up? Are you even considering her feelings about this other woman you talk about? Have you told her you don't like talking about her friends so she can consider how you feel? Sounds to me like you are missing some steps. Its called "communication" try it sometime. You need to be careful about accusing someone of cheating. Seriously, right now you sound like your the one cheating and are trying to find some kind of reasoning for it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): Honestly, it really sounds like you guys have a communication problem. The fact that you haven't told her that you don't like hearing about other guys seems to be the main problem. The other problem with her getting upset with you talking to other women may be a trust issue. You guys need to talk and trust each other. It doesn't sound like she is cheating if she is telling you about these guys. When someone cheats they become secretive and hide things. There is a couple questions you need to ask yourself before you start accusing someone of cheating.
1. Does she hide her cell phone or constantly keep it on
her? Does she get upset when you look through her phone?
2. Does she receive calls, texts, or emails from someone
that she hides from you?
3. Does she get upset when you inquire about any
communication with other people?
4. Has she become withdrawn or pulls away from you when you
try to be affectionate? Mind that she may be withdrawn
if you guys are fighting, the question is ment to be
when everything seems to be okay.
5. Does she not want to have sex with you? Does she make
excuses to not have sex? Is she not sexually attracted
to you?
Secondly, in regards to the trust issue between the 2 of you, ask yourself a couple more questions?
1. Is there a reason for her not to trust you? Has
something happen during your relationship that has
caused her to not trust you?
2. Why do you not trust her? Has she done anything to you
during the relationship to cause you not to trust her?
Other than talk about her male friends.
Communication is extremely important in a long term relationship. Trust is also really important. It really sounds like both of you are scorned by something in your past and you both need to talk to get past it. It sounds like you both have issues with cheating and are scared of that happening. Both of you seem to get upset when other men or women are in the picture. You both need to realize that there will always be other people in your lives, whether they are men or women. Unless you both become recluses there will always be someone there, whether they are friends, co-workers, or family. You need to be able to trust each other around others. Its just a part of life and you have to face that together. If you can't do that together then your relationship will always have that turmoil. Open up and talk to each other. Talking will help to build the trust between you. Snooping or hiring a PI will do nothing but cause more trouble. Talk, talk, talk. Not fight, talk. Approach it with a calm mind and focus on saving your relationship. If she does have clinical anxiety then you absolutely need to handle it calmly. Trust me it will help. Anxiety is a real and it does play a major factor in the way people handle things. I have clinical anxiety and its not a nice thing to have. It causes you to freak out when the stress is on and there's no bigger stress than the idea of losing someone you love dearly. Try to understand what she is going through and she needs to understand what you are going through but you can't do that without communicating with each other. If you don't talk then you can only assume what is going on and that never works. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): Every time she brings up one of her male "friends" turn the conversation to one of your female friends/coworkers. When she gets pissy point out her hypocrisy. Not sure if this is enough to say that she is cheating, need more info for that.
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A
male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (14 December 2010):
Sorry mate, but you have to get control over this situation soon, or you may never be happy when these type of disagreements happen between the two of you again. Good relationships are based on trust and respect, and what apply's to one should apply to the other (or negotiated where both agree on and are happy with it). This is not what's happening here. I can understand her not wanting to hear about your female co-workers, but it should also apply to her, too. She's using the anxiety excuse to win her arguement. Don't let her do this. Time to let her know you won't accept this any more since it's bothering you so much. Time to put the foot down.
If you're worried about her cheating, then check other good advice on this site for suggestions and help. If the feeling can't be stopped, then consider a PI. If she's not doing anything wrong, it'll then give you piece of mind. Really, good luck!
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